Irony
by Serena Kenobi
Summary: An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU Clone Wars.
1. Life's a Sith

**Irony**

**A humorous short fic **

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** If you've seen the Clone Wars movie and new TV show, you'll see where I'm coming from with this pairing. ;D

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE – "Life's a Sith"

* * *

**Dark Jedi Asajj Ventress couldn't have been happier than if she'd still been a Jedi. Her trap for the devious Negotiator, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, was set perfectly. In just a few short minutes, he'd be dead by her hand. Then, her rise to the Sith would be final.

Standing on a ledge, looking down into the grand ballroom of an abandoned palace on Metellos, Asajj felt the darkness welling inside her. She grinned evilly. Soon, she would take her place by Dooku's side. Together, they would completely destroy the Republic from the inside out.

It would begin with Kenobi.

The man aggravated her to no end. He was charming, even slightly flirtatious with her when they dueled. Most unbecoming for a Jedi, she thought in disdain. He had perfect manners, but they fell flat on her. He couldn't charm his way out this time. No politeness would work here. She'd had enough.

Grudgingly, she would admit that Kenobi was exceptionally good-looking. Reddish-blond hair with a few flecks of grey here and there only made him look distinguished. It was the kind of hair that women would love to run their hands through.

Not that she'd ever thought about doing that, of course.

It fell down in long bangs that sometimes got into his eyes - dazzling eyes that changed color on occasion. Sometimes they were blue, sometimes green, sometimes hazel, and sometimes combinations of all three.

Not that she'd noticed, of course.

Despite his rugged attractiveness and penchant for witty, charming banter, he was still a Jedi fool. And he needed to be taken out. For her sake, as well as for her master's.

If only she could find another Sith who was just as good looking as Kenobi. So far, the only dark-siders were ugly, old men. She wanted an equal, someone who was younger like her, but mature. Someone who could take her on in a duel and hold his own – maybe even defeat her. Of course, he'd have to be reasonably handsome, too. And he had to have good conversation.

Someone like… Kenobi?!

Asajj scowled and clenched her fists. This was ridiculous. She was a Dark Jedi – soon to be Lady of the Sith. Kenobi was coming here because of her. And when Kenobi sprung the trap, she would be waiting to kill him.

Kenobi would die.

Asajj grinned and bounced lightly on her feet. It didn't bother her that she stood precariously on a six-inch ledge. She had perfect balance. Anyway, if she did fall, it wasn't like she wouldn't land on her feet. She'd use the Force to –

A sudden movement on the pillar standing only a few feet away caused her to turn sharply. Kenobi?

No – something much worse! A huge, hairy spider!

Forgetting the fact that Sith weren't supposed to feel fear, Asajj shrieked and, in an attempt to get away from the pillar, started to move backwards.

Only there _was _no backwards – only air.

With a startled scream, Asajj toppled back and hit the floor with a thud.

* * *

Jedi Master, General, The Great Negotiator, and apparently dubbed by Asajj Ventress "Jedi fool", Obi-Wan Kenobi silently walked through the dark, abandoned hallway towards the great empty ballroom just up ahead.

He then reflected that he had _way _too many titles.

Obi-Wan shook his head and got back to the moment. He had to focus. Here he was, likely walking right into a trap (since when HADN'T he walked into some trap or another?), and he was thinking about his numerous titles. Not a very Jedi-ish, or General-ish, or Negotiator-ish, or – BLAST! There he went again! - thing to do.

He'd come here on a rumor that Asajj Ventress, Dark Jedi, was here on Metellos, stirring up trouble with the locals. Since when hadn't she stirred up trouble? He shook his head again, smiling slightly. The woman was incorrigible. She thought she was invincible. She thought she was destined to become the next Sith Lady. But despite her excellent skill, she was raw talent and needed some fine-tuning. She'd even given him a hard time though, he had to admit. He even enjoyed sparring with her.

Sort of. Only a bit.

Well, sparring was good exercise, anyway. And he'd sparred one too many times with Anakin, so it was good to fight a different opponent and really let loose.

Plus, fighting with Asajj gave him a chance to use some of his witty, charming banter. He knew it only aggravated her, but that amused him. He was looking forward to chatting with her again. Now, if she'd only show herself.

Stepping into the dark ballroom lit only by the city lights outside coming in through the huge windows to his right, Obi-Wan looked around cautiously. No sign of anyone. The place was quiet. Too quiet.

"My dear," he said, his voice echoing in the huge ballroom, "You might as well show yourself now. It's only a matter of time before I find you."

Nothing. Not even a disgusted snort.

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow and made a three-sixty turn, his eyes sharply scanning the ledge near the domed ceiling. She could be hiding behind one of those pillars, maybe. "Come now, darling," he went on, moving around the great pillars, "You're only prolonging the inevitable. If you're going to fight, then please, do so."

Silence.

Hmm. He was sure she'd been here. He'd felt her presence not long ago. This quiet was just a little out of the ordinary. She could only take so much before leaping out at him with a scream. Yet, she hadn't shown her face – a face that would be pretty if she grew her hair out and didn't curl her lip into a disdainful sneer all the time.

As he rounded the next pillar, he saw something lying across the room. Jogging over to it, he knelt down and, with one hand, gently turned the body over.

"Ventress?" Obi-Wan said, startled. She wasn't dead – just unconscious. But no one was around – what had happened. He glanced up and wondered if the ledge had something to do with it. But no – she couldn't just _fall _off the ledge. It just didn't happen to people with Force powers.

He instantly became alert when she groaned and started to move her head and limbs. Fingering his lightsaber in one hand, though not igniting it, he tensed as her eyes fluttered open. They blinked once, twice, gleaming an icy blue in the city lights, and then focused on him.

"Finally, you've awoken, my darling," he said with a smirk.

But to his complete and utter astonishment, she didn't yell, scream, snarl, growl, sneer, glare, hit, punch, kick, or throw something at him.

No. She did something no Sith did.

She smiled at him. Not an evil smile, not a smirk, not a devious smile that said: "you're so dead – you just don't know it yet" – a _real, _open, blinding smile. And then she blushed pink.

"I'm sorry," she said in a quiet, breathy voice, still smiling shyly, "do I know you?"

Flabbergasted, Obi-Wan's jaw dropped.

"Oh, dear."

* * *

**TBC**.

* * *

This is going to be short - five to ten chapters at the most. Let me know what you think! It's going to be silly and OOC, but oh well.:)

- **Serena**


	2. The ReBourne Identity

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** If you've seen the Clone Wars movie and new TV show, you'll see where I'm coming from with this pairing. ;D

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO: The (Re)Bourne Identity**

* * *

Obi-Wan cleared his throat uncomfortably and pulled back slightly. "What's the last thing you remember?" he asked hesitantly.

Asajj slowly sat up and rubbed her temples. "I'm not sure. Everything's blurry to me," she admitted, her voice still soft and uncertain.

"Do you remember your name?"

"No… can't say that I do," she said, brow furrowing. But the next moment, her eyes lit up as she looked at him. "What's your name, good sir?"

Obi-Wan didn't know what to make of her uncharacteristic and strange behavior. Was it a ruse? Another trap? Maybe she was trying to seduce him?

Would he mind if she were trying to seduce him?

Wait, WAIT! HOLD THE COMLINK! He did NOT just think that! Obi-Wan Kenobi, Great Jedi Master General and Negotiator, not to mention Master of the Most Titles of the Blasted Universe, did NOT just think that disturbing thought!

Obi-Wan decided to answer her. "It's Jedi Mas…" Blast. Not this again. He shook his head. "Just Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Just Obi-Wan," she said with a short, light laugh. A laugh, that Obi-Wan was disturbed to find himself thinking, was actually very attractive. It didn't carry any menace, no sarcastic hint to it or evil intentions.

He almost wished it did so he'd stop second-guessing himself like this.

"I'm…" Asajj held out a white hand and drew it back, giving him a hesitant smile. "I actually don't know who I am. Or where I am. Or why I'm here." Her face fell.

Obi-Wan tried to sense any mal-intent in her but couldn't. She had really forgotten who she was. He rubbed his bearded chin and studied her closely. He couldn't deny that he'd been more than a little anxious to find Ventress and perhaps turn her to the right side of the war. Maybe even a little obsessed. But he honestly believed Ventress was just misguided – not definitely evil like Dooku and Sidious.

And now with this unexpected turn of events… maybe she had some real hope after all.

"You are on the planet of Metellos," Obi-Wan told her with a smile. "And your name is Asajj."

She gasped. "You know who I am?"

"I know who you were, yes. Who you used to be." Now his gaze was searching and pensive.

"Well, who am I?" she demanded eagerly, now bolting upright. Immediately after doing so, she winced and grabbed her head. "Ow."

Obi-Wan frowned and put a hand on her shoulder. "Take it easy there, my dear," he said, concerned. "I believe you had quite a fall."

"A fall from what?" she grimaced.

He glanced up at the ledge. "I'm not entirely sure. But we can't stay here, Asajj." It felt strange calling her by her first name. "Come. My men are just outside with medical supplies."

She smiled up at him. "Thank you, Obi-Wan."

Completely sincere. Blast.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, blushed just a bit, and helped her to her feet. Becoming dizzy once she stood up, Asajj let out a breath of air and pitched forward. "Whoa, easy there," Obi-Wan said, moving forward swiftly. Somehow, he didn't know how, she ended up encased in his arms with her hands on his chest (very nice, small hands with long, slender fingers – wait, what? STOP IT, KENOBI!). She stared up at him with large blue eyes.

"Thank you," she breathed, smiling up prettily at him.

Completely taken aback by her uncharacteristic behavior, Obi-Wan struggled to keep his composure. "Uh… you're welcome, milady."

He had to get control of the situation. Fast.

Pulling away, he cleared his throat again and completely disentangled himself from her. "Well, uh, we should be leaving, my dar…" Here he paused. Was it now appropriate to call her "my darling"? She might take it the wrong way instead of being goaded and teased like before. Now she might just be flattered.

He'd have to start treating her a whole different way.

"Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan blinked and threw her a hopefully not as charming as usual smile. "Shall we?" He held out an arm, which she took, beaming up at him, and led her out of the ballroom.

"What was I doing here?" Asajj wondered as they left the ballroom and started down the hall.

"I'm not entirely sure," Obi-Wan said truthfully.

"But what were you doing here, Obi-Wan?" she questioned, looking up at him. "Did you come here to save me?" Blast. Those eyes looked so hopeful.

In a way, he had – hopefully save her from the dark side. "Yes, Asajj. I sensed that you were in trouble."

"Sensed?"

"Yes. Using the Force." He shot her a sideways glance to see if that rang any bells.

"The Force…" Her face became thoughtful. "Isn't that what the Jedi have?"

"Yes."

She gasped prettily. Of course, he didn't notice. Because he was a Jedi. And he didn't notice things like pretty gasps.

And since when had anything from Asajj Ventress been pretty?

"You're a Jedi!" Asajj exclaimed.

"Uh, yes." Blast. Was he blushing again?

"Wow. I wish I could do that," she sighed dreamily, leaning her head on his shoulder.

Obi-Wan resisted the urge to sigh. Already this new Asajj Ventress was wearing on him. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing – he just knew that he had to get back to the Temple right away and bring her before the Council to decide what in Hoth to do with her.

What if she regained her memory miraculously and without warning sliced his head off? What if Dooku found her and turned her back to the dark side?

"General Kenobi," barked Rex's voice.

Obi-Wan jumped and held his wrist up to his mouth. "Report, Captain."

"We've eliminated the enemy out here, and General Skywalker has just returned. What's your status, sir?"

"I…" Obi-Wan threw an awkward look to Asajj, who was smiling dreamily – oh, Force – at him. "I'm f -"

A crackle on the other end of the com caused him to stop talking. Rex shouted something, followed by more crackling. It sounded like he was struggling for the com, or he was in trouble.

"Rex?" Obi-Wan said, alarmed.

"Obi-Wan!" Anakin yelled over the com. "Are you all right?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Anakin, did you break your comlink aga- "

"What?" Anakin shouted, interrupting him. "No, you can't have it back, Rex!" he said stubbornly. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and heard Rex snapping furiously at Anakin, probably wanting his comlink back. "Would you be quiet?" Anakin demanded. "I'm trying to see if Obi-Wan's all right! No, I can't hear him because you're still talking! What? That's because I'm talking to you!"

Obi-Wan shook his head and sighed. "Anakin…"

"Hang on!" roared Anakin. "Obi-Wan's trying to say something! He could be dead, so be quiet! Well, I don't know! Maybe he's almost dead. Okay, fine, so dead people can't talk – he could be dying and lying in a ditch. Or just lying in a ditch. Fine! He could be dying and lying on the palace floor. Or he could be hanging from his toes at the mercy of Ventress – so shut up! Obi-Wan!" Anakin hollered. "Are you all right?"

"Anakin, I'm perfectly fine," Obi-Wan said, rubbing his temples. "What happened to your comlink?"

"I… uh… it was Ahsoka's fault!" his old Padawan hastily said.

"What?" Obi-Wan heard Ahsoka screech indignantly in the background.

"Anakin, you lost it, didn't you?" Obi-Wan said.

"Er… yes?"

Obi-Wan groaned. "Anakin, how many times have I told you - "

"Not as many times as you've told me not to lose my lightsaber," Anakin interrupted. "But I still have that, so hah!"

His old Padawan did grate on his nerves sometimes. "A responsible leader should have both," Obi-Wan said wearily. "I assume you're with the ship?"

"Yeah, we're waiting for you at the designated rendezvous point. Did you kill Ventress?"

Asajj, forgotten for the moment, leaned forward and whispered, "Who's Ventress?"

"What? Who is that?" Anakin demanded loudly.

Obi-Wan scowled and turned his head away from Asajj. To her he whispered: "No one."

"What? Did you say something?" Anakin asked.

"No!" Obi-Wan snapped.

"Well, gee, don't be so cranky about it," Anakin said sulkily.

"I'm not being – never mind. But I'm fine. I'll meet you at the rendezvous point in about twenty minutes."

"But what about Ventress?"

"It's… been handled." Obi-Wan didn't look at Asajj. "I'll be right there. Tell the men to start the ship. I want to be ready to leave as soon as I arrive."

"You got it," Anakin said, now in a cheerful mood. "Ahsoka, tell the men to start the ship," he added, turning his head away from the comlink.

"What?" Ahsoka piped up even more indignantly than before.

"I heard that, Anakin," Obi-Wan said sharply. "What about setting a good example for your Padawan and being responsible. Can you handle that?"

Anakin sighed. "We'll see. Skywalker out."

After the link disconnected, Obi-Wan looked at Asajj. "I'm sorry about that, my dear," he told her apologetically. "My old student can be a little… lacking in maturity sometimes."

"Well, if he was trained by you, he must have picked up some good sense," she said with a smile.

Oh, dear. This wasn't going as he'd planned.

"Er, yes. Shall we continue forward, then?" He held out a hand to the empty hall before them that would lead outside.

"Of course, Obi-Wan," Asajj said, once again slipping her arm through his.

Obi-Wan tried not to sigh and started forward down the hall, hoping to avoid any more conversation that might lead to her complimenting him again. They entered immediately after that a smaller corridor with mirrored walls.

Asajj suddenly halted and gasped in horror. Confused, Obi-Wan looked at her and saw that she was staring into one of the mirrors.

"What is it?" he asked, confused.

"By seven dark moons!" Asajj screamed. "I'm BALD!"

* * *

**TBC...

* * *

**Poor Asajj! :( ;D I actually feel sorry for her. Actually, I feel kinda bad for her in the regular story, too. Actually, you don't know what ever happened to her. She just disappeared.

- **Serena**


	3. Denial Ain't Just a River In Ijipt

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** If you've seen the Clone Wars movie and new TV show, you'll see where I'm coming from with this pairing. ;D

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER THREE:** **"Denial Ain't Just a River in Ijept" **

* * *

"It'll grow back," was all Obi-Wan could say, comforting a sobbing Asajj awkwardly. Her hands dug into his cloak, which was soaked by now from her tears.

"You think?" Asajj sniffed, her big icy blue eyes staring up at him forlornly.

He patted her shoulder. "Of course. They have special regrowth technology on Coruscant."

She instantly beamed. "You're a genius, Obi-Wan!" she breathed, eyelashes fluttering dangerously over her pale skin.

Obi-Wan reddened. Again.

Blast.

"That's… why I'm here," he joked weakly.

Asajj sniffled and glanced at the mirror again. Then, again, she let out a horrified scream. "TATOOS? I have TATOOS? ON MY FACE!?" Once again, she burst into tears.

Obi-Wan stared up at the ceiling, wondering how he'd managed to get into this situation.

* * *

  
Ten minutes later, Obi-Wan finally managed to convince the stricken Asajj that the tattoos were completely removable, getting her to calm down. They finally made their way out of the palace and to the ship waiting for them.

Asajj and Anakin, along with Rex and a couple troopers, stood at the bottom of the ship's ramp, waiting for Obi-Wan.

Ahsoka, chewing gum, popped a huge bubble. Anakin looked at her.

"Where'd you get that, Padawan?"

Ahsoka showed him a packet of gum in a compartment in her belt. Using the Force, Anakin swiped a piece and popped it in his mouth.

"Hey!" Ahsoka protested. "That was mine!"

"Mine now," Anakin grinned. "Of if you'd prefer ABC gum…"

Ahsoka glared up at him and popped another bubble. Anakin did the same and said, "Hah! Mine was bigger than yours. I win."

Her eyes narrowed. She blew a bigger bubble and popped it. "HAH! Beat that, Skyguy."

"You're on, Snips. But I warn you not to underestimate my powers," Anakin said ominously as he readied himself to blow another bubble.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Puh-lease. Powers schmowers. All talk and no action. Just do it."

Anakin slowly blew another bubble only slightly bigger than Ahsoka. "I WIN! Again," he crowed.

"No you didn't! They were the same size!" Ahsoka protested.

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh! Rex!" Anakin said, turning to the annoyed trooper. "Whose was bigger?"

"Wasn't looking, sir," Rex said irritably.

Anakin turned back to Ahsoka. "Fine. Redo. Rex, watch. We'll measure the blasted things if we have to."

Rex glared at both of them.

Together, Anakin and Ahsoka blew bubbles. Slowly, the bubbles grew bigger… and bigger… and bigger…

BLAM! Both bubbles popped simultaneously as a blaster bolt ripped through both of them.

Anakin and Ahsoka stared at Rex, who blew off a smoking pistol. "What the heck was that?" Anakin demanded angrily. "I was winning!"

"Nuh-uh!" Ahsoka interjected. "Mine was clearly larger!"

"Well we _could've_ measured them if _someone_ hadn't blown them up!" Anakin growled, glaring darkly at Rex.

The clone shrugged. "Thought I saw a droid."

"Yeah, right," Ahsoka said, glowering. "Now my gum's all charred and icky." She spat out the gum onto the ground, and Anakin did the same.

Rex ignored them both and turned to see Obi-Wan coming towards them. "Heads up, sir. Here's General Kenobi."

"Come along, my dear," Obi-Wan said, leading Asajj to Anakin and Ahsoka. When they saw her with Obi-Wan, their mouths fell open in shock.

"What is she doing here?" Anakin demanded, glaring at Asajj.

"Now, Anakin," Obi-Wan started.

Asajj only grinned at Anakin and stuck out a hand. "Hello there! I'm Asajj. Or so he tells me." She glanced at Obi-Wan, beaming.

Obi-Wan looked away awkwardly.

Everyone stared at Asajj.

"Obi-Wan, what's going on?" Anakin asked, staring at Asajj in utter bewilderment.

"What, did the Hairless Harpie finally surrender?" Ahsoka snapped, her eyes narrowed at Asajj.

Asajj's eyes widened in horror, and she drew back her hand. To shock everyone further, her eyes welled up with tears, and she touched her bald head. "I'm going to grow it back, _okay_?" she whimpered.

Ahsoka was speechless.

"I _knew_ I needed a hat," Asajj ranted on. Glancing to the nearest trooper, which happened to be Rex, she lunged forward, swiped Rex's helmet out of his hand, and dashed back over to Obi-Wan, jamming the helmet over her own head. "There."

"Hey!" Rex protested.

"Rex, if you'd be so kind as to lend Asajj your helmet for the time being," Obi-Wan said in a dry tone.

"Snowball's chance in Hoth!" the clone snapped, glaring at the former dark Jedi.

Anakin gasped and covered Ahsoka's ears. "Language, Rex!"

Obi-Wan sighed and turned to Asajj. "Here, you can use this," he said, pulling off his cloak and handing it to her. "It has a hood."

Asajj looked down at it. "Thank you!" she chirped, and threw off the helmet, chucking it at Rex. The force of the unexpected blow to the stomach caused the clone to fall over on his back. Asajj then pulled on the cloak and yanked the hood over her eyes. Smiling up at Obi-Wan, she said, "Shall we go?" And she took his arm.

Anakin and Ahsoka exchanged glances. Rex picked himself up and muttered something about crazy women. Abashed, Obi-Wan led Asajj up the ramp, with the rest of the confused group trailing behind. Once inside, Anakin and Ahsoka pulled Obi-Wan aside to have a little chat.

"So what's with Ventress?" Anakin demanded in furious whisper.

"Yeah, she's acting really weird. It's freaking me out!" Ahsoka added.

Obi-Wan sighed and rubbed his temples. "She has amnesia," he explained. "I think she had an accident and was knocked unconscious. Now she can't remember anything. I'm going to take her to the Temple so the Council can decide what's to be done with her."

Anakin looked from Obi-Wan to Asajj, who glanced back and smiled at Obi-Wan. Then, he shot his former master a sly smirk. "I think she _likes_ you, Obi-Wan."

"Ridiculous," Obi-Wan scoffed, but his ears were bright red. "She's just grateful."

Ahsoka snorted. "Please. I'm a girl. I know when a girl likes a guy. And she… definitely has the hots for you, Master Kenobi."

"Has the 'hots' for me?" Obi-Wan echoed with wide eyes.

"Lingo for she digs ya," Anakin explained.

"She 'digs' me?"

"Yeah, she's got it bad," Ahsoka said.

"Got what bad?" Obi-Wan asked blankly.

Anakin and Ahsoka stared at him. Together they hissed, "SHE LIKES YOU!"

Obi-Wan cleared his throat and looked away. "You're both delusional."

"Yeah, and there's this river in Ijept," Anakin snorted, folding his arms over his chest.

Ahsoka sighed and shook her head. "So clueless."

"You got that right," Anakin agreed, holding out a fist to his padawan. She grinned and fisted him back.

"You know it," she said with a smirk.

Obi-Wan sighed. "The blind leading the blind… or in this case, the immature leading the immature. Force help us all."

* * *

**TBC...

* * *

**Poor Obi! :( ;D He needs a chill pill. Or just a long vaca.

- **Serena**


	4. Hasta La Vista, Rexy!

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** For the purposes of this story, Ahsoka will be seventeen.

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR:** **"Hasta La Vista, Rexy!" **

* * *

The trip home to Coruscant was interesting to say the least. Ahsoka was daydreaming about having her own boyfriend, Anakin was dreaming about seeing Padme again, Asajj was dreaming of her handsome knight in shining armor, and said knight in shining armor was wondering how he was going to explain this blasted mess to the Council.

And of course, he wasn't dreaming about Asajj at all.

Once they landed, Obi-Wan went over to Asajj and gently shook her. Her sleepy eyes fluttered open, and she graced him with a wide smile. "Obi-Wan… what is it?" she asked quietly.

Trying to maintain his overall sanity, Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "It's time to go."

"Go? Where?" She sat up.

"To see the Jedi Council," Obi-Wan replied as he started to nudge Anakin awake. "Anakin, wake up."

Anakin, who snored loudly, just grumbled, "Five more minutes, Padme."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened. "What?!"

Anakin sighed. "Five more minutes, master."

Oh. That was what he said. Obi-Wan frowned and said loudly, "Anakin, wake up!" And he shook his old Padawan on the shoulder. Still, Anakin slept on. Obi-Wan scowled and moved over to Ahsoka. "Young one, wake up."

Ahsoka mumbled something that sounded like "Sure I'd love to be your girlfriend, sexy-Rexy," and blinked into awareness. A second later, she bolted upright, making a positively disgusted face. "EEEEWWWWW!!! I did NOT just dream that Rex asked me to be his girlfriend! UGH! GROSS! ICK! ACK!"

Rex scowled. "Thanks a lot."

"Dude, I'm only seventeen! And you're… like… forty!" Ahskoa cried, waving her arms around. "You're… OLD!"

"I'm twenty-seven."

"What?"

"I'm twenty-seven, I'm not old," Rex snapped.

"THAT'S OLD!" Ahsoka shrieked. "I NEED A BOYFRIEND MY AGE! NOT TEN YEARS OLDER!"

No one noticed that Rex looked a little sad at that declaration.

"You know," piped up Asajj thoughtfully, "Han was ten years older than Leia. He was twenty-nine, and she was nineteen when they met."

Ahsoka looked at her, confused. "Who're Han and Leia?"

Asajj shrugged and glanced down at her booted feet. "How should I know?"

"Who says you need a boyfriend?" Obi-Wan demanded sternly, folding his arms over his chest and staring down at Ahsoka. "You know the rules of attachment, young one."

Ahsoka frowned. "Yeah, I know."

"Attachment, ashmachment," Asajj drawled, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "Just a bunch of Bantha poodoo."

Obi-Wan turned to her, surprised; and Ahsoka grinned at the former Dark Jedi. Glancing up questioningly at Obi-Wan, Ahsoka said, "Is it disturbing that I'm starting to like her?" Grinning, she added, "Or do you know what I'm talking about?"

Obi-Wan just reddened. "Well, uh…"

He was saved from having to answer that question as Ahsoka turned abruptly to Anakin and whapped him over the forehead. "MASTER, WAKE THE KRETH UP!"

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "What a lovely vocabulary you've discovered."

"Learned it from Rex," Ahsoka said. When Rex grinned, Ahsoka glared at him. "DON'T EVEN! I'm NOT your girlfriend, got it?"

Rex just shrugged. "You were in your dream."

"THAT WAS A STUPID KRIFFING DREAM!"

"Language!" Anakin shouted in his sleep. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan looked at him, but he went right back to snoring as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, dear," Obi-Wan sighed. "We'll never wake him up. He can sleep through anything, I'm afraid."

"Should I try?" Asajj offered with a pretty smile at Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan blushed again. BLAST IT. "Uh, well, I think I've got in under control this time, my dear," he stammered.

"Okay!" Asajj replied cheerfully as she stood up and brushed her skirt off.

Ahsoka, fed up with Anakin's sleepiness, leaned forward and whispered, "Here comes Padme!"

Anakin's eyes flew open, and he jumped to his feet. "Padme? Where?" When he saw everyone staring at him, he cleared his throat, embarrassed, and glared down at his smug Padawan. "I'm going to strangle you, Snips."

"Don't touch her!" Rex snapped, pointing his gun at Anakin.

Anakin stared at him in confusion. "What?"

Ahsoka glared at him. "Would you CUT IT OUT?" she shrieked.

Rex scowled and slipped his gun back into its holster, jamming his helmet onto his head. Obi-Wan, frustrated with the entire scenario, said loudly, "That's enough!" and took Asajj's hand, leading her off the ship. Everyone was slightly disturbed to see the former Dark Jedi actually skipping while being ushered down the ramp by Obi-Wan.

Anakin and Ahsoka followed Obi-Wan and Asajj down to the landing pad, where an air-taxi waited to take them to the Jedi Temple. Rex jogged up to Anakin and said, "Sir, shall I stay with the ship?" His helmet tilted down to Ahsoka. "Or shall I give the report of the battle?"

Ahsoka caught him looking at her and glared angrily, folding her arms over her chest and turning her gaze to the opposite direction. Anakin, in between both of them, glanced at Ahsoka and Rex in bewilderment. "Uh, I guess you can come with us."

"What? NO!" Ahsoka wailed.

"Why not, Snips?" Anakin questioned. "Rex usually gives better reports than I do, anyway."

Ahsoka whimpered and dashed off to the taxi, crying: "I hate my life!" and flung herself into the taxi.

Anakin shot a sideways look to Rex. "Am I missing something?"

Rex's helmet stayed facing right ahead to the air taxi. "Not at all, sir."

* * *

Much to Obi-Wan's relief, the ride to the temple was short and quiet. Anakin was still waking up; Ahsoka sat in the back, as far away from Rex as possible, and glowered out the window; Rex sat in the front, his helmeted gaze on Ahsoka; and Asajj happily stared out the window, admiring the view below.

"It's so amazing!" she said in awe.

Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile. "Yes, it is."

"What's that building?" She pointed out the window.

Obi-Wan followed her gaze. "That's our stop. The Jedi Temple."

"It's gorgeous!"

Obi-Wan's smile widened as he glanced back at her. "Indeed."

Asajj smiled up at him brightly.

Rex, in the meantime, had been moving subtly towards the back of the cruiser while Ahsoka stared out the window, seemingly lost in thought. But when he attempted to move closer, Ahsoka said without looking at him, "Come one foot closer and I take out the lightsaber."

Rex sighed and took a seat.

Anakin watched the two scenarios before him with bewilderment. "And I thought I was the unstable one."

* * *

**TBC...

* * *

**Now I feel bad for Anakin. :D Sorry for the long wait!

- **Serena**


	5. DillyingDallying on the Temple Steps

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU Clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** For the purposes of this story, Mace will be OOC. :D

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE:"Dilly-Dallying on the Temple Steps"**

* * *

When they finally landed on one of the Jedi Temple's landing pads, Anakin dashed out first, followed quickly by Ahsoka, who was eager to get away from Rex's ever-present stare. The former simply wanted to get away from all the craziness surrounding him and sprinted down the ramp to where Jedi Masters Mace Windu and Luminara Unduli waited to greet them.

Anakin nearly crashed into them, but he halted just in time. However, Ahsoka didn't look where she was going, as her normally excellent vision was impaired by Anakin's giant cloak, and she crashed right into Anakin, causing him to lurch forward into Luminara. Luminara gave an un-Jedi-ish squeak and stumbled back.

"I KNEW you were breaking the Code!" Mace Windu roared, and grabbed the back of Anakin's cloak, yanking him sharply back away from Luminara. "I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE, Skykiller!"

Anakin, dangling an inch in the air by the scruff of his neck, gaped. "It's Skywalker, Master."

"Shut up!" Mace snarled. "I'm reporting you to the Council for heresy!"

"What?" squawked Anakin indignantly.

Ahskoa decided to butt in. "Master Windu, it's really not his fault. It's mine. You see, I'm being stalked by a crazy clone, so I wasn't watching where I was going while I was hurrying to get off the blasted transport. I ran into Master Skywalker, which made him fall into Master Luminara."

Mace glared at Anakin darkly. "I don't trust him."

"Mace!" Luminara put a hand on Mace's arm and smiled up at him. "It's fine. Really. Ahsoka's telling the truth."

Mace's eyes softened as he gazed down at the beautiful Jedi Master. "Well… all right." But his eyes narrowed at Anakin. "I'm still watching you! You're not a TRUE follower of the Code, and THAT'S all that matters, Smallpillar!"

"It's Skywalker," Anakin retorted.

"WHAT?" Mace shrieked, shaking him furiously.

"Nothing," Anakin muttered. When Mace dropped him on the ground, he mumbled, "Kriffing windbag."

"WHAT?" Mace roared in his face.

"Nothing!"

Ahsoka and Luminara exchanged helpless looks and shrugged simultaneously. Ahsoka mumbled, "Good thing I didn't mention Padme."

"WHAT?" Mace screamed.

Anakin glared at Ahsoka. "_Thanks_."

"That's why I'm here, Master," Ahsoka responded cheerfully. She glanced to her other side nonchalantly and abruptly jumped with a scream as she saw Rex standing right by her side, staring down at her. "Where did you COME from?" Ahsoka screeched.

"I've been here the whole time," Rex told her.

"NOOOOOO!" Ahsoka barreled past the befuddled Jedi Masters into the Temple.

Anakin glanced at Rex in confusion. "What's with her?"

Rex shrugged. "Don't know, sir. Probably just tired out from the battle."

Anakin eyed him carefully before returning his gaze to where Ahsoka had disappeared. "Hmm…."

"She's probably just going crazy from having a Master who doesn't follow the Mighty Code," Mace snapped, folding his arms over his chest. "I can't believe Yoda gave you a Padawan, Spystalker."

"It's _Sky_ - "

Luminara gasped, and her eyes widened as she stared past Anakin's shoulder. "By the Force!"

Mace instantly took her shoulders, demanding, "What is it, Luminara? Are you all right? Are you feeling well? Are you ill? Do you sense something's wrong?"

"Good gundarks, let the woman talk," Anakin said dryly.

Mace rounded on him, snarling, "YOU shut it, Smithcarter!"

Anakin sighed tiredly and rubbed his forehead. "It's _Skywalk_ - "

"It's Asajj Ventress!" Luminara breathed, staring as Obi-Wan gallantly led Asajj down the ramp. As they came up to the small crowd, Mace gaped at her. However, Asajj smiled brilliantly at the two Jedi Masters.

"Hello!" Asajj greeted cheerfully. "It's nice to meet you!"

Luminara and Mace were too stunned to speak.

Asajj glanced at Obi-Wan and mumbled, "Is something wrong with them?"

Obi-Wan shook his head wearily. "No, my dear. Masters, this is Asajj. She needs to see the Council, in particular, Master Yoda. I'll explain everything once we get inside. She's with us," he added pointedly.

Mace and Luminara remained speechless.

"Right," Obi-Wan said after an awkward pause. "Let's go, then." He led an oblivious Asajj past the two flabbergasted Masters into the Temple. Anakin, grinning, followed him; and finally Mace and Luminara recovered from their shock and joined them.

No one noticed that Rex had slipped into the Temple much earlier.

* * *

"Why is everyone staring at me, Obi-Wan?" Asajj whispered as they made their way to the Council Chambers.

"Er… they're just… surprised to see you," Obi-Wan stammered.

"Why? Is it because I'm bald?" she whimpered.

"No, no! It's just…" Obi-Wan sighed. "They're not used to seeing… newcomers. Yes, that's it," he added eagerly. "It's not every day someone who's… not a Jedi enter these halls. Don't worry about it, my dear." He patted her hand reassuringly.

She beamed up at him. "Thank you, Obi-Wan. You are such a gentleman," she gushed.

Behind them, Mace, Anakin, and Luminara watched the couple with interest, amusement, and annoyance.

"I don't like this," Mace growled. "I think she's lying. I don't trust her."

"You don't trust anyone," Anakin muttered.

"What's that, SkiSloper?" Mace demanded, enraged.

"It's _Skywalker_."

Luminara, however, felt differently. "I sense true happiness from her, Mace," she argued gently. "I don't sense any bad intent whatsoever. I think she really does have amnesia."

"Oh, well, if you think so," Mace conceded.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Of course you agree with her," he mumbled.

"You say something, Starsearcher?" Mace snapped, rounding on him.

"It's Skywalk – never mind," Anakin sighed, shaking his head. "It's hopeless." Before Mace could pummel him, he jogged to catch up with Obi-Wan and Asajj. "Master, you should probably go in first to, you know, tell the Council about our dear Asajj here." He shot a smile to Ventress, who smiled back at him. "You know, so you can introduce her to them."

"Good idea," Obi-Wan said with a nod. "If you wouldn't mind… staying with her outside for a bit." Watching her was more like it.

Anakin, catching Obi-Wan's hidden meaning, nodded. "Absolutely."

"Oh, Anakin, you're such a dear," Asajj said with a grin.

Anakin reddened. "Um… right. Well, I, uh, I'll… meet you right outside the Council chamber. I have to go… meet my wife."

"All right," Obi-Wan said, nodding. Doing a double take, he exclaimed, "Hold it – what?"

"Uh, I, uh, gotta go… flee for my life!" Anakin quickly corrected, and took off down the hall.

"NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS, SIDESWIPER!" Mace commanded in a threatening tone. "KRIFFING CODEBREAKER!"

"Mace!" Luminara gasped, appalled. "He hasn't done anything wrong!"

Mace glowered at Anakin's back. "I don't trust the boy."

"Anakin is fine, Mace," Luminara insisted gently, putting a hand on Mace's arm. "He hasn't broken the Code."

Mace's gaze softened. "Well, if you think so."

"I know so," Luminara said with a smile. "Now come, let's get to the Council chamber."

When the finally reached the Council Chamber, Mace and Luminara entered and took their seats, while Anakin hurried up to stay with Asajj while Obi-Wan broke the news to the Council. Mace glared at Anakin before entering the chamber.

"About blasted time, Sprywasher," Mace growled.

Anakin stared up at the ceiling with a groan. "Oh, come ON!"

Obi-Wan followed Mace into the chamber and said, "I'll call you both in soon. Just stay here. And please, Anakin, try not to do anything… stupid." The doors slid shut behind him.

Asajj sighed happily. "He's amazing, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Anakin grumbled dryly. "Just amazing."

* * *

"Went well your mission did, I hope?" Yoda said to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan sank into his seat and shook his head. "Well… not exactly how I expected, Master Yoda. I ran into a little… situation."

"Situation? What kind of situation?" Plo Koon asked.

Obi-Wan glanced at Mace, who glared at him, and ran a hand over his beard uncomfortably. "Well, we picked up… an addition to our squad, you could say," he explained.

"Don't dilly-dally, Obi-Wan!" Mace snapped.

Yoda shot him a warning look. "Patience, you must have, Master Windu. Explain, Obi-Wan, you will."

"Of course, Master. Well… as it happens, I found myself in an abandoned palace on Metellos… and although I went there, expecting to find Ventress… something … happened."

Every Master leaned forward eagerly. "Was she dead?" Adi Gallia questioned.

"Was it Dooku instead?" Depa Billaba demanded.

"No," Obi-Wan said. "I found Ventress. But… something happened to her. I don't know exactly what, but sufficed to say… she has amnesia."

"WHAT?" all the Masters demanded.

"Er, yes," Obi-Wan continued, reddening. "I believe she fell or something of that sort, and now she can't remember anything about herself. I had to tell her her own name."

"WHAT?"

"Yes, well," Obi-Wan went on, flustered, "There's more. She's waiting just outside."

_"WHAT?" _

Obi-Wan buried his face into his hands. "Oh, dear."

* * *

**TBC...**

* * *

This could be kind of a torture-Obi-Wan story, lol. The poor guy just can't catch a break. I think he, Anakin, and Ahsoka will need a long, long vacation in a galaxy FAR, FAR away from Asajj, Mace, and Rex. :D

- **Serena**


	6. Like Master, Like Padawan

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU Clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** For the purposes of this story, everyone will pretty much be OOC. :D

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX:"Like Master, Like Padawan"**

* * *

"Are you _sure_ she's got amnesia, Obi-Wan?" The high, almighty, never wrong Ki-Adi-Mundi asked in a haughty voice.

Obi-Wan, always irritated by the alien's holier-than-thou attitude, nodded with a frown, replying, "Yes. I've read her mind. She doesn't remember anything at all. She doesn't know that she's Force-sensitive, either."

"Which means she could become even more dangerous in the wrong hands," Mundi said knowingly.

"She's not a tool, Master Mundi," Obi-Wan said irritably, leaning forward in his chair. "She's a person with feelings. Someone who's alone and confused and knows nothing of the dark side or the light, for that matter. But we have a chance to help her become the Jedi she was always meant to be."

After seeing that all the Jedi were staring at him, he said defensively, "What?"

"You seem to care a lot about Ventress, Obi-Wan," Mace remarked suspciciously as he rubbed a hand over his bald head as he often did. Obi-Wan thought Mace did that because he was trying to prove that even guys with bald heads could be sexy. Unfortunately, for Mace, most girls really _didn't_ think they were sexy. However, poor Mace didn't know that, and no one was brave enough to tell him.

Obi-Wan blushed. BLAST IT. "She's an… intriguing character," he conceded.

"She's a dangerous weapon!" Mundi broke in.

Yoda shot him a glare. "Asked _you_, who did?"

Mundi's mouth fell open in shock. "Master, I… well, I…" he stammered, his pasty-white skin only turning pastier. Obi-Wan made a face. Mundi really was unfortunate looking. The only two hot Jedi around were himself and Anakin. The dream team. In looks, skills, sharp wit. They had it all.

Except for girls…

Well, now Obi-Wan had Asajj.

Wait, WHAT? WHAT WAS HE THINKING?! BAD OBI-WAN, BAD OBI-WAN! What was WRONG with him today?!

Shaking his head, he cleared his throat and said, "Well, masters, she's waiting outside with Anakin. May I bring her in so you can see for yourself that she's innocent?"

"Absolutely no – OW!" Mundi let out a squeak as Yoda hit him with his cane.

Yoda smiled serenely as if nothing had happened and nodded to Obi-Wan. "Please, show her in you must, Obi-Wan. Look forward I do to meeting the new Ventress."

Obi-Wan shot him a grateful smile and walked out of the Council Chambers to find the once peaceful and organized hall…

In TOTAL CHAOS?!

Apparently, the gang, which now included Rex and Ahsoka, were playing a crazy game over hoverball. Much to his surprise, several other Jedi had joined in on the game, including Quinlan Vos, Aayla Secura, and Luminara herself.

"'Sajjie, go long!" Anakin shouted from down the hall as Vos guarded him. Then, he flung the hoverball down the hall towards Obi-Wan. Asajj, guarded by a laughing Aayla, squeaked, giggling, and took off down the hall, arms outstretched for the ball.

Ahoksa dashed after her to assist, and Rex, who was guarding her, was hot on her heels.

"In the name of - !" Obi-Wan started, right before Asajj, who hadn't been looking where she was sprinting, charged right into him, knocking him to the ground. "OOF!"

The entire group burst into laughter, and Obi-Wan blinked up in surprise as Asajj, white cheeks flushed from exertion, hopped gracefully to her feet and gasped. "Oh, Obi-Wan! I'm so sorry! Are you all right?"

Obi-Wan got to his feet, embarrassed. "Ah, yes. I'm fine."

She beamed. "Oh, I'm so glad. I wouldn't want to hurt you."

"Of course not," he mumbled. _You only wanted to kill me and torture me, but what does that matter now? _

Anakin, laughing his head off, jogged up to them and slapped his old master on the shoulder. "Obi-Wan! Just in time for the lighting round. Nice catch, by the way, Sajjie," he said to Asajj with a grin.

Obi-Wan, remembering his anger, glared daggers at him. "Anakin, what are you _doing_ playing _hoverball_ in the _Jedi Temple_?! And what do you mean, _Sajjie_?" he demanded furiously.

Quinlan Vos, seeing his old friend truly upset, quickly put in, "Obi-Wan, relax. It was just a harmless game. Even Jedi need to have a bit of fun once in a while. We were just teaching Asajj how to play."

Apparently Anakin had filled Quin in on Asajj's condition. Obi-Wan still wasn't sated. "Asajj was recently injured," he said grumpily. "She shouldn't be playing in her delicate condition."

"You make her sound like an invalid, Obi-Wan," Aayla remarked. "When in fact, she's in perfect health! She's winning the game and beating our sorry butts, actually," she added with a grin to Asajj. "Next time, you're on my team."

"You got it, girl," Asajj replied, fisting Aayla's hand with a return grin.

Obi-Wan stared at them incredulously. "I'm not seeing this. I'm not seeing this," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes wearily. Once a hated enemy of the Jedi, now Asajj was the Hoverball Hero? Girl pal of Aayla's? Respected and liked by Anakin, who now called her by his own nickname? Sajjie?

This was not good.

"Oh, dear," he muttered, rubbing his bearded chin.

"What's the problemo, Obi-Wan?" Anakin inquired. "Did you want to play in the last round?"

"No," Obi-Wan sighed. "I came to get Asajj. The Council wants to meet her."

Asajj squealed excitedly, immediately latching onto Obi-Wan's arm. "Ooh, goody! I can't wait!"

"Trust me," Anakin said dryly, "It's worth waiting. Wait as long as possible. Do what I do. Procrastinate."

"Yes, and get them all the more angry and irritated," Obi-Wan returned with a slight roll of his eyes at Anakin's antics. "Don't listen to him, my dear. I learned a long time ago that ninety percent of things that come out of Anakin's mouth are pure rubbish."

"Rubbish!" Anakin objected with a scowl, folding his arms indignantly over his chest.

Obi-Wan shook his head again and turned to lead Asajj into the Council Chambers. "Excuse us, everyone," he declared as the doors to the chamber slid closed behind them.

After they'd departed, everyone paused in an uncomfortable silence.

"Well," said Anakin dejectedly, "There goes our game of hoverball."

"Yes," Quinlan added dryly, "What will we _do_ with our lives?"

"Hack droids up?" Anakin suggested.

"Go on lovely dates – er, missions – with Kit?" Aayla said, sighing dreamily.

"Try to win Ahsoka's heart?" Rex added.

Ahsoka subtly stepped away from him. "Evade Rex?"

"Be good Jedi?" Luminara said.

The others stared at her. "Nah," they all said dismissively. Luminara shook her head, defeated, and went off down the corridor.

Ahsoka didn't notice Rex had slipped up beside her again until she glanced up at his masked head. "ACK! STOP DOOOOING that!" she shouted.

Rex didn't answer but held out a hand and opened it, revealing a pretty blue-green, exotic looking flower. "Here. This is for you."

Ahsoka stared at it, speechless.

"It matches your eyes," he added.

The others watched the scene with fascination.

Ahsoka stared at it, then looked up at him warily. "Nice try," she said, before whirling around and dashing around the corner.

Rex stared after her forlornly. Well, maybe it was forlornly. Nobody could see his expression because he hadn't taken off his precious mask since Asajj had hurled it at him earlier. But everyone did see his shoulders slump dejectedly.

However, a mere second later, Ahsoka sprinted back, snatched the flower from Rex's still open palm, shot him a glare, and took off again.

Nobody moved, stunned.

Finally, Rex straightened, cleared his throat, and swaggered off down the hall after her. As he rounded the corner, the group heard Ahsoka cry, "STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU CRAZY CLONE!"

"Ah, young love," Aayla sighed, smiling.

Anakin stared after the odd sort-of-but-not-really couple blankly. "What's with them?"

Everyone else groaned. "Like Master, like Padawan," Vos muttered under his breath.

* * *

As soon as the doors shut behind Obi-Wan and Asajj, the Jedi Master cleared his throat and faced the Council. "Masters, this is Asajj," he introduced. "Asajj, this is the Jedi Council."

Asajj's gaze swept over the suspicious Jedi Masters, one by one, until her eyes landed on a certain green Master.

"Ohhh," sighed Asajj, smiling happily. Before anyone could stop her, she rushed up to Yoda and grabbed him in a tight hug. "Aren't you the CUTEST thing?"

Sufficed to say, Obi-Wan didn't think that the Jedi Council had ever been expecting _that_.

"_Now _do you believe me?" he said dryly.

* * *

**TBC...**

* * *

OK. This is a torture EVERYONE kind of story. Oh well. :D I'm thinking now that this will probably be longer than ten chapters.

- **Serena**


	7. Extreme Makeover: Ventress Edition

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU Clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** For the purposes of this story, everyone will be OOC. :D

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN: "Extreme Makover: Ventress Edition"**

* * *

"Get her off him!" Mace snarled, bounding to his feet. But when Asajj pulled away with a hurt expression on her face, Yoda glared at Mace and whacked him in the shins with his cane.

"Be nice you will!" Yoda chastised, before turning to Asajj with a grin on his wizened face. "Afraid, do not be, my dear," he said, taking her hand in his small claw and patting it with his other.

Asajj beamed happily at the oldest Jedi Master and gushed, "Oh, you're such a sweetie!" She giggled.

Everyone stared in transfixed horror and odd fascination at the very strange scene before them. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. She was just charming everybody, it seemed. Well, except for Mace Windu and Ki-Adi-Mundi. But they didn't count.

Force, she was even charming _him_.

No, wait. She wasn't. She couldn't.

Oh, blast.

Obi-Wan scowled and folded his arms over his chest.

"Now, my dear," Yoda said as Asajj crouched beside his chair, "Mind, do you, if ask you a few questions, we do?"

"Of course not!" Asajj chirped with a grin. "I don't really know what to say, but Obi-Wan can help me, right, Obi?" She shot a huge smile to Obi-Wan, who smiled back uncomfortably.

"Absolutely, my dar… er, yes." Obi-Wan cleared his throat, turning red as the other Jedi stared at him.

"Good," Yoda said, still smiling at Asajj. "Now, your name is…?"

"Asajj. I'm not sure about the last…" She frowned thoughtfully and glanced at Obi-Wan. "Obi-Wan? Mind telling me, hon?"

Hon? HON? HON?! Obi-Wan couldn't stop his mouth from falling open. "I… well…" he stammered. "Uh, Ventress. It's… Ventress."

"Oh. There you go!" she replied happily.

Ki-Adi-Mundi decided to step in and be the killjoy. Mace was too busy nursing his aching shins at the moment. "What do you know of Count Dooku?" he snapped suddenly. "Where is he? What about General Grievous?"

Asajj looked at him blankly. "Uh, come again?"

"Oh, be quiet," Obi-Wan sighed wearily. When Asajj threw him a hurt look, he quickly added, "No, not you, my dear. You." He pointed to Mundi. "She doesn't know what you're talking about, so just leave her alone."

"You keep defending this woman!" Mundi hissed, jumping to his feet.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Oh, in the name of – look at her! She's perfectly fine!" He motioned to Asajj, who now smiled at him dreamily. "She's…" Obi-Wan trailed off as he stared into her big icy blue eyes that sparkled at him. "… Fine." After a prolonged moment of locked eyes, he looked away and cleared his throat again.

Oh. Blast.

"Feel I do that Master Kenobi is right," Yoda said with a nod. "Perhaps give some new quarters to Miss Ventress we can."

"Master, you can't be actually considering that she stay here on this sacred ground!" Mundi bellowed.

Yoda glared at him. "Considering, I am, seeing you suffer the same fate as Master Windu," he warned, tapping his cane thoughtfully on his chair.

Mundi shut up after that.

"Show you, I will," Yoda said, hopping off the chair, "Around."

Obi-Wan really, really hoped that he wasn't seeing what he thought he was seeing. Yoda trying to charm Asajj? Asajj and Yoda? Or was Yoda just being polite and nice? Or was he seeing this the wrong way? Or maybe he was just going crazy. That was it. He was definitely going off the deep end.

Of course, that had to be Anakin's fault.

"Master, actually," Obi-Wan spoke up before he could stop himself, "I was hoping to help Asajj in another way first. She expressed an interest in getting… cleaned up. And I think she could use something to eat."

"Of course," Yoda said. "Show her the cafeteria, I can."

"No!" Obi-Wan shouted, startling the other masters. "I mean… that is… I was already on my way there." He stepped forward, took Asajj and gently tugged her to her feet. "So… let's go then, shall we, my dear?"

Asajj grinned up at him. "I'd love to," she said breathily.

Blast.

Yoda scowled. "Hmph."

As Obi-Wan hurriedly ushered Asajj out of the Council Chambers, Yoda called, "Know, let me, if you need anything!"

Asajj glanced at him and laughed. "You charmer you," she said playfully before Obi-Wan practically dragged her out of the room.

Mace glowered after her. "I don't trust her."

Yoda's only response was to whack him with his cane.

* * *

As Obi-Wan pulled Asajj down the hallway, he came face-to-face with Padme chatting with Anakin. "Oh, Senator Amidala!" he said, nodding politely.

Padme quickly pushed Anakin away from her and plastered on a smile. "Obi-Wan! Please, we know each other better than that. Padme, please." She glanced at Asajj and smiled. "And this must be our newest addition," she added. Holding out a hand, she said, "I'm Padme."

Asajj grinned widely and shook the hand. "Pleasure!" she said brightly. "I'm Asajj."

Obi-Wan and Anakin exchanged knowing glances. Clearly Anakin had filled Padme in on the situation.

"Are you enjoying the temple?" Padme asked.

Asajj nodded eagerly. "Oh, yes, it's wonderful!" She smiled up at Obi-Wan, something not lost on Padme, who hid a smirk. "Obi-Wan has been such a darling helping me with everything. I don't know what I'd do without him."

Obi-Wan reddened. Blast it.

"Oh, I see," Padme said, winking at Obi-Wan. "Well, perhaps, if you can bear to part with her, Obi-Wan, you wouldn't mind if I borrowed our dear Asajj for a while."

Obi-Wan and Anakin exchanged frightened glances. Whenever Padme got an idea in her head, it wouldn't go away, and half the time, it ended up in some kind of disaster. Or it just meant trouble. Either way, it wasn't good. Anakin, standing behind Padme, quickly shook his head and made slashing motions across his throat, wide-eyed, signaling that Obi-Wan shouldn't agree.

"Well…" Obi-Wan said hesitantly.

"I'd love to!" Asajj put in. "What are we going to do?"

Obi-Wan and Anakin both let out groans at the same time. They had a bad feeling about this.

"Girl, it's time for an extreme makeover!" Padme said with a grin as she rubbed her hands together gleefully.

Obi-Wan and Anakin paled simultaneously. "Oh, dear," Obi-Wan remarked in dread.

"You said it, Master," Anakin muttered. "My wife is insane."

"Yes," Obi-Wan said distantly. Blinking, he turned to Anakin. "Your what now?"

Anakin reddened and cleared his throat. "My, uh… uh, my life is insane."

"Oh." Obi-Wan shrugged. "No argument there."

Anakin shot him a deadly glare that was only ignored. As the two ladies hurried away, chattering excitedly, Obi-Wan let out another groan and rubbed his forehead. "Anakin, she won't stop following me around," he said frantically. "She's giving me… the look."

"The look?" Anakin said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes – you know the ones women get when we're around. That starry-eyed, "I want to run my hands through your hair and kiss you senseless" look."

Anakin laughed. "So poetic, Obi-Wan!"

"I'm glad you find this funny," Obi-Wan grumbled. "She never leaves my side now."

"So she thinks you're cute," Anakin shrugged. "Maybe you should take her out on a date." He grinned cheekily.

Obi-Wan glared at him. "Maybe you should remember that I'm a Jedi Master, Anakin."

"Maybe you should chill out."

"Maybe you should grow up."

"Maybe you should stop being such a grouchy grouch."

"Maybe you should stop being so immature."

"Maybe you should stop being such a grumpy grump."

"Maybe you should think about where your loyalties lie."

"Maybe you should get a real life."

"… That hurt, Anakin."

"Sorry, Obi-Wan. Fwends?"

"… I don't know why I even put up with you."

"Becawse you wuve me and I'm wike yowa son?"

"I'm leaving now."

Anakin laughed as Obi-Wan strode away, but he quickly stopped when he saw his Padawan rushing down the hall full-speed. "Ahsoka!"

Ahsoka whirled around. "Can't stop, Master!"

"Whoa, whoa, wait just a minute!" Anakin called, jogging after her and catching up quickly. "Ahsoka, what the kriff is going on?" he demanded, folding his arms over his chest.

"Can't explain now, Master, have to run!" Ahsoka panted.

"Run? From what?" Anakin asked blankly.

Ahsoka looked over Anakin's shoulder and saw a familiar clone heading purposefully towards her. "ACK!" she screeched, and took off down the hall.

Anakin stared after her and then at Rex as he strode after her. "Rex!" he called.

Rex halted, his helmet swiveling to face Anakin.

"Hey, you know what's up with Ahsoka? She's been acting so strangely lately."

Rex paused. "Haven't noticed, sir." And with that, he rushed off after Ahsoka.

Anakin blinked in confusion at the disappearing non-couple. "What's with _them_?"

* * *

**TBC...**

* * *

Poor Rex. Will he ever catch up to Ahsoka? Will Anakin ever stop being so clueless when it comes to his Padawan? Probably not. :D

- **Serena**


	8. Who's Your Man?

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU Clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** For the purposes of this story, everyone will be OOC. :D

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHT: "Who's Your Man?"**

* * *

Once at Padme's apartment, Padme rubbed her hands together and grinned. "Well, first things first. Facial." She touched a button on the wall and said, "All right, bring up Fabio."

"What's a facial?" Asajj asked curiously. "Is it going to regrow my hair?"

"Nope," Padme replied.

Asajj's face fell. "But… but… I want HAIR!" she sobbed, clutching her pale head. Padme frowned and patted her shoulder.

"Don't worry, that comes next."

Asajj stopped crying. "Oh. Never mind."

The doors to the lift opened, revealing oddly enough, a cowering man with a shirt that revealed a masculine chest and long hair. As soon as the doors opened, he sprinted out, crying, "Crazy female!"

Padme and Asajj stared at him blankly.

Then, a furious female Jedi Knight stomped out, glaring evilly at the man. "Touch me again and I will RIP YOU APART!" Aayla Secura screeched.

"Don't a kill a me, bella!" the man cried, holding a hair dryer over his head.

"Fabio?" Padme said, startled. "What's going on?"

"This vermin tried to hit on me!" Aayla fumed, still glaring at him. She then turned to Padme and Asajj and smiled. "Hello, Sajje! Hope you don't mind if I pop in and join you."

"Of course not!" Padme cried, smiling, as she reached out to usher the Jedi in. "Please, the more, the merrier!"

Aayla grinned. "Great!" She kicked poor Fabio to the side and went over to them. "So, what's the plan for today?"

"We're giving Asajj a makeover," Padme said, smiling. "First, we're going to have Fabio give her a facial."

"Fabio? Who's Fabio?"

Padme pointed to the whimpering man on the floor.

Aayla blinked. "Oh."

Padme sighed and went over to the man. "Do get up, Fabio."

"Get-a that-a crazy lady away-a from me-a!" he whined.

Padme's eyes narrowed. "GET UP!" she shrieked.

Fabio instantly hopped to his feet, beet-red. Padme smiled. "Good," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "Now, Fabio, I want you to give our dear Asajj a facial. And try to get rid of those tattoos if you can."

"Asajj?" Fabio shot a frightened look to Aayla.

"No, no," Padme said, and pointed to Asajj, who waved cheerfully. "Her."

Fabio promptly shrieked and cowered on the ground again. At this, Asajj stared at him, curled up her nose, and suddenly burst into tears. Aayla's eyes narrowed at Fabio, and her hand twitched towards her lightsaber.

Padme sighed, looking from the trembling Fabio curled up on the floor to a fuming Aayla to a sobbing Asajj and said the very familiar words of one Jedi Master.

"Oh, dear."

* * *

Back at the Temple, Ahsoka, still evading Stalker Rex, hurried into the crowded cafeteria, hoping beyond hope that Rex wouldn't find her in the masses of Jedi younglings, knights, masters, and padawans. And he should know that she could pick his obvious clone helmet out of a Jedi crowd any day, so she'd be able to spot him if he came.

She grabbed some food and quickly hurried over to a small table in the middle of the room. But once she took a seat, she glanced around warily before pulling a delicate blue-green flower out of her belt. She gazed at it, fingering its petals.

It really was sweet of Rex to give her so nice a flower. Where on earth had he found it in the first place? The thought of someone going out of his way to give her something so beautiful was… well…

Dare she say… romantic?

Ashoka touched her cheeks that were growing warmer and frowned. No – wait, HOLD IT! FOLD UP THAT THINKING TENT, TANO!

She did NOT just think that REX was ROMANTIC?!!!

Kriffing Force. Ahsoka glared at the flower and was about crush it in her hands, but when a throat cleared above her, she quickly hid her hands in her lap and looked up sharply. Her eyes widened when she saw the young man standing over her shyly.

"Hey, Ahsoka," said Galan Varr. He smiled and brushed a strand of blonde hair out of his face. At eighteen, only one year older than she, he was the handsomest Padawan in the Order. At least, all of the others girls thought so. He had bright blue eyes, gorgeous blonde hair, and a perfect body. He was kind, thoughtful, and unfortunately… couldn't really fight to save his life.

Which was why he was studying to be a healer.

It was really too bad. Ahsoka had always liked the more rugged, down-to-earth kinda guy. Tall, dark, handsome, who knew how to handle a blaster and fight until his last breath.

Someone like…

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! STOP IT, AHSOKA!!

Ahsoka gritted her teeth and clenched her fists.

"Uh, Ahsoka?" Galan asked hesitantly.

Ahsoka blinked and looked up at him. "What? Oh, yes, sorry Galan. I was just… thinking."

"Thinking?" Without being asked, Galan took the seat opposite her and smiled. "About what?"

"Er…" Ahsoka didn't know what to say. "Um, fighting."

Well, it was partially the truth.

"Oh," Galan said, looking disappointed. "How… interesting."

Ahsoka slipped the flower back in her belt and poked at her food. "Yep. So, how've you been lately?"

"Better," he said with a dashing smile, "now that you're here."

Ahsoka blushed and stared at her food. He really was so sweet. Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. He smiled at her, a smile that made all of the young females in the Temple melt into a puddle of goo. Ahsoka even found herself feeling a little lightheaded.

"I'm so glad you're back," Galan said softly. "We used to be together so much before you were chosen to be Master Skywalker's Padawan. Maybe you can stay longer this time and we can… catch up. Talk."

Ahsoka didn't mention that they'd only talked a few times, and of those few, two of them were really her kicking his butt in lightsaber practice.

"That'd be… great," she replied with a smile. "I look forward to it."

He smiled widely and squeezed her hand again. "I'm so glad. Do you mind if I eat with you?"

"Well, um, sure, I guess not," she said with a shrug. "But are you - REX?" she squeaked, eyes widening. Sure enough, the familiar clone captain was striding towards them purposefully, coming up behind Galan. To Ahsoka's horror, the Captain's fists were tightly balled.

Oh. Kriff.

The Captain was on a mission. And if Ashoka knew him, which she was dead sure she did, Rex was on a mission to kill. No. Not kill.

Destroy.

Which only meant one thing. Galan. Ahsoka froze, unable to think of what to do next. Should she run? Scream at Rex? Force-push him across the room?

But it was too late.

Galan, unaware of the deadly situation coming up behind him, just frowned in confusion. "I'm sorry?" he said, confused. "'Am I Rex'? I don't get i- AAAUGH!" he cried as a strong, gloved hand shot out and grabbed the back of his shirt, abruptly yanking him out of his seat. He dangled in the air and blinked, facing a white helmet. Although Galan couldn't see the clone's eyes through the black visor, he felt two burning eyes glaring at him.

"H-hello," Galan stammered.

The clone growled and tightened his grip on the young man's shirt. "You get away from her," he snarled.

"Rex," Ahsoka finally managed to find her voice.

Galan frowned, despite his fear. "You can't tell me what to do!" he said, affronted. "Ahsoka is my friend – I'll see her when I please."

The clone leaned forward. "Wrong answer." And he abruptly tossed Galan like a sack of potatoes onto another table, covering him in a mess of food.

"Rex!" Ahsoka gasped. "What are you doing?"

Galan furiously clambered off the table and wiped his face covered in red chili. "How dare you, you pathetic clone!" he snapped. "You're going to pay for this!"

"Try me, shrimp," Rex goaded.

Ahsoka leaped to her feet. "Guys…"

"Right!" Galan cried, lunging forward, "I'll get you for that!" And he charged towards the clone trooper at accelerated speed.

"Guys!" shrieked Ahsoka. "Cut it out!"

Neither of them listened to her. But all the tables around them cleared away as Rex and Galan started to fight hand-to-hand combat. Although Galan was shorter, he was more agile.

Although it was very un-Jedi-like, all of the surrounding crowd, most of them girls, started whispering and eying the two fight.

After a few minutes of watching and unsuccessfully telling them to stop, Ahsoka sighed and ran a hand over her head. She had two really hot guys fighting. Over _her_.

Might as well let them.

Ahsoka grinned and took a seat.

* * *

**TBC...**

* * *

No Obi-Wan or Anakin (or Mace or Yoda ;D) in this chapter - sorry!! Don't worry, they'll be in the next chapter. With a surprise guest, too! Mwa haha. I'll leave you to guess who it is. :D

- **Serena**


	9. Here's Lookin' At You, Rex

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU Clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** For the purposes of this story, I've changed Ahsoka's age to **18**. Rex will be **23**.

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE: "Here's Lookin' At You, Rex"  
**

* * *

"FABIO! GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!"

"HEY, TIGHTPANTS! MOVE IT!"

"I… WANT… HAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRR!"

"GET A ME A OUTTA HERE A!"

Needless to say, the Facial With Fabio ™ wasn't going as splendidly as Fabio hoped. These crazy women were well, just plan crazy. And nuts, they were nuts, too. Not to mention downright insane. And whacko. And sadistic. And scary. And frightening. And terrorizing.

He bet even the Sith Lord himself would be running away screaming for his life. That is, if he even knew what a Sith Lord was. The only words in poor Fabio's vocabulary had to do with evading crazy women and hair and facial products, as well as a few cheesy pickup lines, such as:

"I forgot my number. Can I have yours?"

And "I'm so handsome, aren't I? If you were my girlfriend, I'd look even better."

And Fabio's personal favorite: "You should go out with me. I'm hot."

Strangely enough, none of those pickup lines had worked successfully before. And the last two had earned him some slaps.

He just didn't get it.

At the moment, though, poor Fabio was just trying to stay alive. The Crazy Senator Lady™ was bossing him around like there was no tomorrow, ordering him to do everything at once, the Crazy Blue Lady™ wouldn't stop kicking him whenever he came near, and the Crazy Tattoo Dragon Lady™ wouldn't stop bawling about her hair, or lack thereof.

Fabio was really considering going back into modeling business after this whole disaster was over.

Three hours later and one shaking facial man later, artificial tan machines that would give them a healthy glow were warming the three women. A green paste covered their faces, and strange green vegetables covered their eyes. Fabio hoped that he'd fully removed the tattoos from the Crazy Tattoo Dragon Lady's™ face, or otherwise he knew he was as good as dead.

And unfortunately, every time he tried to sneak out, the Crazy Blue Lady™ hurled him across the room. She even locked the doors.

"You're not going anywhere," the Crazy Senator Lady With the Strange Hairdos™ growled, "until we make sure you did a good job."

"That's right," the Crazy Blue Lady™ snarled.

"Want… hair," Asajj muttered in her sleep.

Fabio was now looking at the windows for a possible escape route.

"Don't EVEN!" Aayla screeched as he started to tiptoe towards the windows. "I'll RIP YOU APART, I SWEAR!"

Then, the doorbell rang.

"WHAT IS IT!?" all three ladies screamed at once. Asajj giggled after.

"It's Chancellor Palpatine," said a startled voice from the comlink.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"I was in the neighborhood and wanted to personally deliver a message to the Senator…" Palaptine seemed even less certain now. "But I can come back later," he hastily added.

"UGH! STUPID MEN!" Padme snarled. She sat up and marched to her door, shoving poor Fabio out of the way, and opened the door. Palpatine's eyes widened at her green face. "What are you staring at?" she barked.

"N-nothing," stammered Palpatine. "Um, here are the reports…"  
Padme whisked the datapad away from his hands, smiled brightly, and said, "Have a good day, Chancellor! Won't you come in for…"

But Palpatine had already bolted for the lift and was scrambling inside.

Padme shrugged and said, "Fine. Be that way." She caught Fabio trying to sneak out, yanked him by the collar, and dragged him back inside. "Where the KRIFF do you think YOU'RE GOING!?"

Fabio whimpered. "Don't a kill a me a!" he begged. "Please don't a, Crazy Senator Lady With The Strange Hairdos!"

Padme's eyes narrowed. "What did you just call me?"

Fabio gulped. "Oh snap a."

* * *

"Hey, Obster!" Anakin jogged towards his master.

Obi-Wan threw him a dirty look. "What did you just call me?"

"Obster."

"Don't call me that."

"Sure thing, Wannie."

"Don't call me _that_, either."

"Okey-dokey, Kenobster."

"Not THAT, either, Anakin."

"You're no fun."

"You're immature."

"That's my middle name."

"I thought it was annoying."

"Hardy har har. I bet yours is Party-Pooper. Obi-Wan Party-Pooper Kenobi."

"I bet yours is Anakin Pest Skywalker."

"_Now_ who's immature?"

"Well, at least it's not my middle name."

"It's _not_ my middle name! My middle name is Kevin."

"It's _what_?"

"No, no, I'm kidding. It's Stacey."

"_What_?!"

"No, seriously. It's Sith."

"Stop kidding."

"… I'm not."

Obi-Wan stared at him. "Your name is Anakin Sith Skywalker?"

"No, my full name is Anakin Vader Sith Strangle Luke I Am Your Father Hoo-Pahh Skywalker."

Obi-Wan blinked. "It is?"

"Yep," said Anakin cheerfully. "Blame my mom. She likes long middle names. Her name is Shmi Ivan Katrina Bobba Tonia Cyclone Storm Desert Twister- "

"I think I get it," Obi-Wan interrupted, holding up a hand. "Now, was there a reason you wanted to talk to me? I'm waiting for Asajj to return. Padme called."

"Ooh! She did? What did she say? Did she mention me? Where does she want to meet me for dinner? I hope she didn't complain about the bed. I just don't like making it. It's boring. And tedious. And it's not something a husband should do – that should be the wife's job."

"What?" Obi-Wan demanded.

Anakin stopped rambling and stammered, growing red, "Uh, I meant, uh, making the bed is not something a… a… uh… shavit." He couldn't of anything that rhymed with "husband."

Obi-Wan folded his arms over his chest. "Something you want to tell me, Anakin?" he asked testily.

Anakin looked away. "Er… no," he muttered. "But hey – have you seen my Padawan? I thought I saw her go this way."

"No, I haven't."

"Hmm…" Anakin scratched his head. "She's been acting so strange lately. Ever since we got back, she's been evading me."

"I wonder why," Obi-Wan said dryly.

"Yeah, me too." Anakin seemingly didn't pick up on the sarcastic hint.

"I mean, who wouldn't want to avoid you?"

"Yeah, me too – wait, what?"

Obi-Wan couldn't hide a grin. "Nothing."

Anakin opened his mouth to make a very witty retort, but then, he paused. "Do you hear that?"

Obi-Wan frowned. "Yes, I do. It sounds like chanting."

"It's coming from the cafeteria," Anakin said, jogging towards the cafeteria doors. "C'mon."

The two entered the cafeteria to find a crowd (all women) huddled in the cafteria, chanting things like "Kill him!" "Get him, Rex!" "Kick his butt, Galan!" "Go!", and "DESTROY THE WORM!"

Oddly enough, most of them were shouting "GO, REX!"

Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan. "Did they just say 'Rex'?"

"I'm not sure I want to know."

The two pushed through the crowd until they came to the center. In the small circle, the two found Rex and a nineteen-year old Padawan fighting it out. Actually, that wasn't the right word for it. Rex was really kicking the Padawan's sorry butt. The Padawan swung out with a fist, but Rex grabbed his hand and twisted it behind his back. The Padawan groaned. Rex pushed the Padawan to the ground and set a boot on his chest.

"Give up," Rex snarled.

"N-never," the Padawan coughed out.

Ahsoka, who was sitting on a table in the circle, raised an eyebrow. "Look, Galan, you can be heroic, but don't be stupid," she said.

"One last time," Rex warned, "Give up."

The Padawan glared at him. "Fine."

Rex shoved him into the ground, and the women cheered wildly. The Padawan burst into tears and slinked off into the crowd. Rex came up to Ahsoka, who narrowed her eyes, took off his helmet, and bowed, holding out Galan's lightsaber as a trophy.

"Awwwww…" sighed the audience collectively.

Ahsoka scowled at the Captain. But when the audience started chanting, "Take it, take it, take it!" she hesitantly reached out and took the saber hilt from the Captain and was graced with the widest grin she'd ever seen on the clone.

She blushed cherry red.

Anakin and Obi-Wan stared at the scene in horrified fascination, and unsurprisingly, Anakin was the first to speak.

"What the kriff?"

Ahsoka's head whirled to face him. She paled now and quickly put down the lightsaber, the scowl returning to her face. Rex put his helmet back on, and she shot him a glare. "Great. Thanks," she snapped.

Rex's shoulders slumped.

Suddenly, Ahsoka grinned a devilish grin as she turned to Obi-Wan and Anakin. "Hey!" she yelled, standing up on the table. "Obi-Wan and Anakin are going to spar next door – with their shirts off!"

All the ladies gasped and screamed. Obi-Wan and Anakin paled and exchanged horrified glances.

"I say it's time to beat a hasty retreat, Obi-Wan," Anakin said, alarmed as the women rushed towards them.

"For once, I agree with you."

* * *

**TBC...**

* * *

No Mace or Yoda ;D in this chapter - but a lot of Fabio :D!! I guess I forgot about the surprise guest - well, I guess it can be Palpy. The real surprise guest will be in the next chapter. Sowwy. :D

- **Serena**


	10. Red Bull Gives You Buffalo Wings

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU Clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** For the purposes of this story, I've changed Ahsoka's age to **18**. Rex will be **23**.

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER TEN: "Red Bull Gives You Buffalo Wings"  
**

* * *

Fabio was ready to kill himself. Or kill the terrible trio. But that would be if Fabio knew how to kill. The only thing he knew about killing anything was having killer looks. Other than that, he wouldn't know a blaster from a thermal detonator.

"Kill-a me-a now-a!" he wailed as Aayla danced around the room in one of Padme's dresses, singing "Girls Just Wanna Kill Droids" at the top of her lungs. Padme was shaking her frizzy head and dancing along, singing a very bad harmony, and Asajj was jumping up and down on the cushions.

"OOH OOH GIRLS JUST WANNA KILL DROIDS!" Aayla screeched. Her lekku shook in front of her face.

"WOO HOO!" Asajj screamed. She bounced up on the cushions and tripped suddenly, stumbling forward onto Aayla, who happened to trip on Padme's dress at that moment. Both tumbled to the floor.

_RRRRIPPPP!!_

Padme stopped dancing and shrieked: "MY DRESS! MY DRESS!"

"GERROF ME!" Aayla yelled to Asajj. "GERROF ME!"

"I'M ON TOP OF THE WOOORLD!" Asajj just hooted happily.

"GET-A ME-A OUTTA HERE-A!" Fabio hollered, clutching his bare chest dramatically as he collapsed into a chair. "Ladies-a! You're going-a to ruin-a your hair-a!"

Asajj just giggled as Aayla shoved her off.

"Darn-a those-a Red-Bulls-a!" Fabio wailed, looking anxiously at all of the empty cans of energy drink littered on the floor.

"RED BULL IS KING!" Asajj screamed.

"RED BULL IS A JEDI!" Aayla cried.

"RED BULL IS EMPEROR!" Padme yelled, holding up a can.

"RED BULL-A IS A NIGHTMARE-A!" Fabio cried. The wind suddenly swept up from nowhere, dashingly blowing through his long, beautiful locks. He struck a tall, dramatic pose and stared at nothing in particular until Aayla decided to hurl a Red Bull can at him.

"OAF!" Fabio choked, doubling over.

Aayla grinned evilly and raised both hands into the air. "TEN POINTS!" she yelled triumphantly. "I WIN! Go Aayla, go Aayla," she sang, dancing around again in Padme's ripped dress.

"No fair!" Asajj pouted. She picked up two cans and threw them at Fabio's head. The man tumbled to the ground with a moan. "HA! FIFTY POINTS!"

"You're LEAFING ME OUT!" Padme yelled. She giggled. "Hee hee!! Leaf!!"

"Leaf me alone!" Aayla laughed.

"Leaf or be killed!" Asajj hooted.

"Why don't you just make like a tree and LEAF!" Padme snickered helplessly.

All three collapsed to the floor and stared up at the ceiling. Finally, when their laughter died down, Asajj sighed happily.

"Should we wake up Fabio?" she asked.

"Why?" Aayla demanded.

"He looks kinda out of it."

"So?"

"Could be dead. Should we wake him up?"

Padme blinked, and Aayla shrugged.

"Nah," all three ladies agreed at once.

* * *

Anakin and Obi-Wan couldn't remember ever being in a more dangerous situation. The fatality rate was extreme. The enemy was surrounding them and cutting off all hope of beautiful escape. The stakes were high. The territory was not to their advantage. They were trapped.

The enemies' mouths were gleaming, dripping, and foaming. They licked their lips, eyes glittering menacingly. They stretched out their clawed hands to take the two Jedi. One of the enemies suddenly opened its mouth and shrieked "GO GET HIM, GIRLS!"

The band of women screamed and paraded after Anakin and Obi-Wan, who found themselves trapped in one of the training rooms.

"BLOCK THE DOORS!" cried another.

"DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY!" screamed another.

"HOLD IT JUST A KRIFFING MINUTE!" Anakin roared.

All the ladies drooled even more.

"Ooh, he's soooo hot when he's angry," cooed one, batting her eyelashes.

"Look at those glistening pectorals!" giggled another short lady.

"And his silky hair! Don't ya just wanna run your hands through it!" another lady sighed dreamily.

"I could stare forever into his baby blues!"

"Me too!"

"HOLD THE COMLINK!" Obi-Wan yelled. "You have to release us, ladies!"

The women looked at each other. "Why?"

Obi-Wan and Anakin looked at each other. "Yeah, Obi-Wan, why?" Anakin muttered.

"Well, because… because…" Obi-Wan spluttered. He looked frantically at Anakin. "Because he's married!"

Anakin's jaw dropped. His eyes widened. "WHO TOLD?" he squawked.

Obi-Wan looked at him with a suspicious glare. "I was lying," he hissed.

Anakin quickly shut his mouth. "Er… um… I mean… I'm cold?" he weakly corrected.

"We don't care if he's married!" a lady cried. "He's ours now!"

"Wait just a Tatooine minute!" shouted Ahsoka as she stormed into the room, followed very closely by Rex. "Ladies, listen up. If Obi-Wan and Anakin duel with their shirts off, will you let them go?"

"WHAT?" Obi-Wan and Anakin yelled.

Ahsoka grinned. "Your choice, boys. Fight or die."

Both Jedi looked at each other, then the women, then to Ahsoka, and gulped. "Fight it is," Obi-Wan said weakly.

Rex looked down at Ahsoka with a smirk. "You're cute when you're commanding."

Ahsoka shot him a dirty look and edged away from him. Obi-Wan and Anakin in the meantime went to the center of the room, where a circle had formed around them, and slowly, hesitantly took off their shirts.

Every Jedi in the Temple wondered what in Yoda's name was going on when a simultaneous feminine shriek of glee boomed through the Temple.

* * *

Obi-Wan and Anakin had been dueling for the past half hour, and they were now both sweating, completely focused, and also completely ignoring the giggles and whistles and sighs every time one of them made a good move.

Obi-Wan dodged a blow from Anakin and parried, but the younger Jedi flipped over, much to the pleasure of their watchers, and slashed across Obi-Wan's back. Obi-Wan whirled around and blocked it.

Ahsoka was taking bets on who would win and grinning. "Moola, here I come," she said, taking another credit chip from a crazed lady.

Rex looked down at her. He didn't have his helmet on, so she could see his raised eyebrow. "You want money?" he asked.

"Of course," she answered as if it were obvious. "My dream is to marry the richest guy on Coruscant so I'll never have to want for anything."

Rex scowled. He didn't exactly make a lot of money. Actually, he wasn't really sure if he was getting paid or not.

"I gotta get me some dough," he muttered before jamming his helmet onto his head and storming out of the room. Ahsoka blinked, confused, and watched him leave. She shrugged her shoulders and continued counting her money.

"Weirdo."

"Ahsoka?"

Ahsoka looked up to see Padme, followed by Aayla and… who was _that? _The ladies had obviously gotten a makeover and all looked quite nice, though a little frazzled. Ahsoka hopped to her feet and stared at the ladies' companion. "Hey, Padme!" she greeted. "Uh, who is _that?_"

Padme grinned. "Mwa ha ha ha. Can't you tell?"

The stranger beamed and said, "Hey, Soka! How's it going?"

Ahsoka's eyes widened. The credit chips dropped from her hands. "_Ventress_?" she squeaked.

"Indeedee it is!" Asajj chirped, bouncing up and down on her feet. "Where's Obi-Wan?"

Ahsoka suddenly grinned and pointed to where the two men were fighting. Padme stared at the crowd, then her husband, who was shirtless. Her eyes darkened, and her hands curled into fists. The women grew a little worried when Padme's face started to turn purple.

"Uh, Padme?" Aayla said, touching her hesitantly.

But Padme wouldn't listen. "He… is… DEAD!" she screeched, and stormed off into the crowd, shoving women out of the way.

"Oh, dear," remarked Asajj.

Ahsoka shrugged and picked up her money. "Oh, well. There goes that fun. I'm betting on Padme now." She looked at the two ladies and frowned. "Hey, wait a minute," she whined. "You got a makeover without _me?_"

* * *

**TBC...**

* * *

No Mace or Yoda ;D in this chapter - but more Fabio :D!! And I think sweaty, shirtless Obi and Ani really make up for it. :D I guess I forgot about the surprise guest - AGAIN!! Argh. Well, the surprise guest WILL be coming along... sometime this century. :-p

- **Serena**


	11. Corellia, My Foot!

**Irony**

**By Serena  
**

**Setting**: AU Clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** For the purposes of this story, I've changed Ahsoka's age to **18**. Rex will be **23**.

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: "Corellia, My Foot!"  
**

* * *

Anakin pulled back away from Obi-Wan and panted, "Hey, we finished?"

Obi-Wan nodded wearily, then paused, eyes narrowing. "Is this some sort of trick where at the last minute you'll Force-whip my feet out from under me?"

"Pshaw, Obster," Anakin said, adopting a hurt look on his face. "I'd never do that to my bestest buddy in the whole wide wowld." He grinned cheekily.

Obi-Wan made a face and put away his lightsaber. "Ugh, fine. Just… don't do that."

"Hah-HA!" Anakin made a hand motion and Force-yanked Obi-Wan's feet out from under him, causing the females rooting for Anakin to scream in delight. "I GOTCHA, OLD MAN!"

Obi-Wan scowled up at him. "Blast it."

"Ha ha HA! You fell for my little trap," Anakin giggled, rubbing his hands together gleefully. When Obi-Wan shot him a withering look, he laughed. "Oh, hey, c'mon Obi ol' buddy ol' pal." He pulled Obi-Wan up to his feet and ruffled his hair and patted him on the back.

Obi-Wan stepped away carefully. "You need help, Anakin."

"YES, YOU WILL, AFTER I'M FINISHED WITH HIM!" screamed a new voice.

Both men turned to see Padme storming towards them with a murderous look on her face.

Anakin gulped nervously, and a drop of sweat fell down his cheek. "Oh snap."

"I'd run," said Obi-Wan.

"I know."

"You're not?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Too late."

"You're dead."

"Gee thanks." Anakin rubbed the back of his neck as Padme marched up to him and glared daggers. "Er, hey, honey er, I mean sweet-pea – er, I mean senator."

"ANAKIN VADER SITH STRANGLE LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER HOO-PAH SKYWALKER," Padme didn't even stop to catch her breath – Anakin suspected it was because she'd spent such a long time in the Senate overtalking babbling idiots who never shut up, which, of course, was never HIM, but he digressed – "WHAT IN CHIM-CHIMMINEY'S GRIMY NAME ARE YOU DOING!?"

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka exchanged puzzled glances and shrugged.

"Er, uh, you know… he he…" Anakin giggled nervously. "I was just… sparring?"

"Why does that sound like a question?" Padme demanded with narrowed eyes.

"Um, because it was?"

"Was it?" she snarled.

Anakin shrugged. "I dunno. Was it?"

"That's what I'm asking YOU! Was it or not?"

"Was what it?"

"YOUR QUESTION!"

"What question?" he asked blankly.

"THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING YOU!"

"What are you talking about?" Anakin demanded.

"What are YOU talking about?" Padme shouted.

Anakin shrugged. "I dunno. I get distracted easi- hey, Rex!" He waved at the Clone Captain who had just returned from… well, wherever he'd gone.

Rex strode up to the Jedi and saluted. "General Skywalker, General Kenobi. I'd like a promotion, sirs."

"Sure thing!" Anakin said cheerfully.

Obi-Wan shot him a look. "No, not sure thing. Rex, we'll have to review your request for further consideration and debate about whether or not your request will be taken into account for further consideration." He frowned and rubbed his beard. "Oh, dear, that sounded a bit roundabout, didn't it?"

"Jest a widdle bit," Anakin said with a grin. "Well, I don't know. He's a good guy, Obster. I say we make him Supreme Grandure of the Coconut Cherries."

Everyone stared at him.

"The Supreme what?" Obi-Wan demanded.

"Supreme Grandure of the Coconut Cherries," Anakin said as if it were obvious. "You know, the man who's in control of all Dibble-Dabbledom, the fairy land right behind Lollipop Mountain and right after Cotton Candy Valley, and…there's a good chance that this was a dream."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "I'd say so." He looked past Anakin, rubbing his beard, but suddenly, he froze as a graceful familiar figure came floating up to them. Obi-Wan's jaw dropped. "Asajj?" he squeaked.

Everyone turned to follow his vision.

Asajj looked completely different. She wore a deep red dress that accented all of her toned curves perfectly. Her tattoos had been completely removed, leaving only silky white skin. Her makeup complemented her icy blue eyes. And what was more…

She had _hair. _Lots of it. Long, glossy ebony hair that shimmered in the light and fell to her upper back.

Obi-Wan swallowed.

Any chance of following the "Jedi Robot" Rule went right out the window.

"Obi-Wan!" Asajj exclaimed happily. "What do you think?" She did a little twirl, beaming brightly.

Obi-Wan didn't move. Just stared.

"And I finally have hair! What do you think?" She tossed her glossy locks and shook them like in a hair commercial.

Obi-Wan still didn't move. Just stared.

"Well," said Aayla blandly, "I guess we won't have to murder Fabio after all."

Padme nodded thoughtfully. "Pity."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, the group was meandering towards the cafeteria to get something to eat. Well, obviously they were getting something to eat. Why else would one go to a cafeteria unless it was to partake of the delicious yummies of the foodical world?

Obi-Wan, who didn't remember offering Asajj his arm, but somehow realized he had, continued to stare at her as she chattered away. Come to think of it, he didn't remember how he got here, either.

Come to think of it, he didn't remember his own name. Wait, what was a name?

"And so the girls and I were thinking of taking a day trip to Corellia to see a few art museums," Asajj was saying.

When all the guys heard "Corellia", warning bells went off.

"Corellia, my foot!" Anakin shouted angrily. "The only things you're going to be looking at are the Corellian men!"

Padme shrugged. "So sue me."

And that was the day Anakin Skywalker turned into Darth Vader.

Which, coincidentally, also meant horrible and terrifying punishment for all stuck-up, scruffy-looking nerfherders.

Obi-Wan frowned at Asajj. "I rather you wouldn't, my dear. Corellia is not exactly the nicest place in the galaxy."

"Well, maybe you could come with me!" she smiled up at him.

Obi-Wan now forgot how to speak.

That was, until someone else decided to show up out of the blue and completely unexpectedly and quite suddenly, too.

"Obi-Shmobi! Oh, Obi Daarling!" cooed a new feminine voice.

Obi-Wan whirled around and gulped, staring at the new arrival. No. This could not be happening. Wasn't she supposed to be dead? No, bad Obi-Wan! Bad Obi-Wan! Be nice!

"S-S-S-Siri!" he stammered, turning beet red.

Blast it! This was NOT the time!

Anakin raised an eyebrow and exchanged glances with Kit Fisto. "Oh boy," they said together. Poor Rex, who had no idea of Obi-Wan's history, just looked confused. The clone looked down at Ahsoka.

"What's going on?"

Ahsoka grinned wickedly. "Obi-Wan's former flame. I bet she and Sajje will be pulling out their lightsabers within a minute. How much you wanna bet?"

Rex frowned. "What is it with you and betting money?"

"Hey, girl's gotta make a living somehow. Master Fisto?"

"Money's on Asajj," Kit whispered.

"Double that," Aayla hissed.

"Triple that," Padme put in.

"Fourple that," Anakin added.

Everyone stared at him, and he just looked at them blankly. "What?"

Siri smiled and ran a hand over her short blonde hair. "Oh, Obi-Wan-Shman! SOOO good to see you!" She draped her arms around Obi-Wan and hugged him tightly. "Have you missed me, Obi-Dobie?"

Anakin and Ahsoka snickered. "Obi-Dobie?" Ahsoka whispered, grinning up at her master.

"Oh, Obi-Shmobi!" Anakin echoed in a high-pitched voice. Obi-Wan glared at them, but they just looked at each other and burst into uproarious laughter.

Aayla and Padme were the only ones who saw Asajj's face crumple. And that was the day they formed their own kick-butt chicks club.

* * *

**TBC...**

* * *

No Mace or Yoda again ;D in this chapter - and no Fabio, poor guy :D!! Well, at least the surprise guest finally showed up. :) 'Bout kriffing time.

- **Serena**


	12. Baby, Baby

**Irony**

**By Serena**

**Setting**: AU Clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** This chapter was extremely difficult to write because my muse decided to take a vaca. Blame her.

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**"Baby, Baby"**

* * *

Such a happy bunch that strolled through the Jedi Temple that day.

Aayla was glaring at Siri.

Padme was glaring at Siri. And Anakin.

Ahsoka was glaring at Rex.

Rex was glaring at Anakin.

Fabio... was nowhere to be found.

"Ah, Siri," Obi-Wan said, peeling her off himself, "what are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know, I was in the neighborhood," she drawled, batting her eyelashes. Asajj, the others noticed in growing concern, was looking less shocked and more angry.

"In the neighborhood?" Obi-Wan echoed, baffled. "But I thought you were in the outer rim."

"Uh… yeah… well…" Siri floundered for a good explanation. "You know… that's… near here."

"Sith hells it is," Asajj suddenly growled.

"Nice," Padme muttered, shooting a smirk to Aayla.

"Here's where the fun begins," Anakin said with a grin. His wife glared at him, and he cleared his throat and looked away, whistling innocently.

Siri suddenly glared at Asajj. "Who are YOU, anyway?" She drew closer to Obi-Wan, clutching at his arm with her clawlike fingers. Obi-Wan winced as her sharp, red fingernails dug into his skin. He'd always tried to get her to get rid of those ridiculous fingernails, but she wouldn't listen. She declared it was her personal fashion statement.

Obi-Wan, on the other hand, thought it was just plain stupid. Of course, he was too polite to let her know that.

Asajj's eyes darkened. "A friend."

"More like her worst nightmare," Anakin sang under his breath. The next moment, he went "OOF!" as Padme elbowed him in the gut. He doubled over, coughing violently, and glared up at his wife. "Thanks a -COUGH COUGH - whole kriffing - COUGH COUGH - LOT!" He straightened and rubbed his stomach.

Padme shrugged and folded her arms over her chest. "Not my fault you're a baby."

"I'm not a baby!" Anakin growled.

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"AM NOT!"

"ARE NOT!"

"ARE TOO!"

Padme grinned. "Glad you finally agreed with me."

"Yeah, I - WAIT A MINUTE!" Anakin roared. "You can't dooo that to me!"

"I just did. Baby."

"Don't call me a baby!"

"Then don't be a baby."

"I'm NOOOT!"

Obi-Wan cleared his throat as the others massaging their aching necks from looking from Anakin to Padme. Obi-Wan, raising an eyebrow, said calmly: "As much as I'd love to listen to this... enchanting conversation, why don't you two go off somewhere else and do it?"

Anakin and Padme exchanged sly glances, and Ashoka suddenly burst out laughing. Anakin shot her a glare and hissed at her to shut up, but she wouldn't.

"What is so funny?" Obi-Wan demanded.

"You -" Ahsoka was gasping for breath now - "Just - told them - to...HEEEHEEHEE!" She covered her stomach, giggling helplessly. By now, Aayla was starting to chuckle. Kit looked a bit horrified, and Rex... well, he was just staring at Ahsoka, looking like he'd grab her any minute if she fell over.

"SHUT IT, Snips!" Anakin hissed. "Don't taint Obi-Wan's innocence!"

Obi-Wan frowned. "I'm a grown man, Anakin. I..." He suddenly reddened and cleared his throat. "I think that this conversation needs to end right here."

Siri beamed up at him. "So, Obi-gobi, I'm staaarving. Let's go get something to eat!"

"PICKLES!" Anakin suddenly shrieked. "PICKLES, CHEESE, PICKLES!" He dashed up behind Siri and Obi-Wan and slung his arms around both of them. "I'm in the mood for some food." He laughed. "What say you fine folk?"

Obi-Wan calmly picked Anakin's hand off his shoulder and stepped away from both Siri and him. "I am going to show Asajj around a bit before we get something to eat."

"Asajj? ASAJJ!" Siri shrieked, suddenly looking hard at Asajj. "Don't tell me that's who I think it is!"

Obi-Wan suddenly realized this was potentially dangerous. If Siri told Asajj more than she needed to know, things could go very bad very quickly. "She's an old friend, Siri," he said suddenly, taking Asajj and gently pulling her along down the corridor. "I'll see you later, Siri. It was lovely to see you, as always."

Asajj beamed at Obi-Wan and took his arm as he led her quickly down the hall. Everyone else followed him and for the most part, ignored Siri, except for Ahsoka, who "accidentally" bumped into her.

"Whups," Ahsoka said innocently, skipping off along with the others.

Siri glared after them. "This is not the end!" she hissed under her breath, and stomped off to find another route to the cafeteria.

* * *

As Ahsoka jogged up to the others, she started humming and came alongside Kit and Aayla. Rex was walking behind her as the protective bodyguard of the group - not that he needed to be. But clones would be clones.

"Are you recovered?" Rex suddenly asked Ahsoka.

She halted and, unintentionally, fell back into step with him. "Recovered from what?"

"From your laughing bout."

"My... bout?" She made an odd face. "That's weird. But yeah, I'm fine. I was just... laughing. Wasn't like I was dying or anything."

"It's my job to ensure the safety of all of my men," Rex said, attempting to sound all macho.

"I'm not one of your men. I like... outrank you."

Rex glared down at her. "Don't have to rub it in."

"I'm not! I'm just sayin' is all!" She threw up her hands in defeat. "Geez. You clones are so touchy!" Shaking her head, she sighed and looked away from him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rex demanded suddenly. "What do you have against clones?"

"Oh, for the love of DARTH VADER!" Ahsoka groaned loudly, slumping her shoulders. Annoyed with the clone Captain, she shuffled away from him and returned to her place beside Aayla and Kit, both who eyed her in confusion. Anakin, on the other hand, had heard Ahsoka's outcry and slipped back, whistling innocently. Ahsoka shot him a glare and snapped: "What do YOU want?"

Anakin shrugged, still trying to look innocent. "Nuuthin'... just wondering..."

"Wondering WHAT?"

"I was wondering... can I use that name?" he asked, ending in a rush.

Ahsoka frowned. "What name?"

"The one you just used. Darth Father."

"It's Darth Vader."

"Darth Mader?"

"Vader."

"Elevator?"

"VADER. Are you deaf?"

"No. But you're dumb. HA-HA!" Anakin crowed loudly at his own pathetic attempt at a joke.

Ahsoka furiously punched him in the arm, and he recoiled and hissed in pain. "Geez, snips. Vader. You need to chill."

"You need to die," Ahsoka muttered under her breath.

"What?" Anakin demanded.

"You ARE deaf!" Ahsoka yelled in his face.

"No, I'm not. See, look - Darth Tater."

"VADER!"

"Oh. Who's Darth Vader?"

"Dunno. Some guy who did something and killed some people and cut some guy's hand off."

"Cool!" Anakin grinned, gleefully rubbing his hands together. "I'm totally using that name!"

Ahsoka eyed him suspiciously. "What for?"

"Role-play, Snips!" Anakin laughed evilly and jogged back up to Padme.

Ahsoka shook her head, whimpering. "Why do all guys have to be such KRIFFING IDIOTS!?"

* * *

**TBC...**

* * *

_Poor Ahsoka. What she has to deal with. _

_Okey dokey, there actually aren't going to be that many more chapters. Siri's not going away, unfortunately, because she's instrumental in the upcoming ending plot. But there will probably be five more chapters, if not fewer. We'll see. :) But then of course, when I started this fic, I said no more than ten chapters, and look how that turned out. _

_Absolutely MARVELOUS!! :p_

_Don't mind me._

_Merry Christmas, everyone!!_

_- Serena_


	13. I'll Be Back!

**Irony**

**By Serena**

**Setting**: AU Clone Wars

**Summary:** An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.

**A/N:** This chapter was extremely difficult to write because my muse decided to take a vaca. Blame her.

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

* * *

**"I'll Be Back!"**

**

* * *

**"You know, Obi my man," Anakin said, slinging an arm around Obi-Wan's shoulder. "I've been thinking."

"Uh-oh," everyone else said simultaneously.

Anakin scowled back at them. "ANYWAYS... I was thinking - yes, I CAN think, Snips! Don't you shake your head at me, young lady!" He whirled around and stormed up to his padawan, who was stubbornly shaking her head in disagreement. "Cut it out! Or I'll make you clean out my whole speeder!"

Ahsoka paled and started to shake. "No, not your speeder!"

"Yes, my speeder."

"DEATHTRAP!" Ahsoka suddenly shrieked, and ran up to Padme and Aayla. "SAVE ME!" she wailed, holding onto both of them.

Anakin glowered at her. "It's not that bad..."

"IT REEKS OF DEEEAAATH!" Ahsoka screamed, sobbing out frightened tears.

"Does not!" Anakin said, insulted.

Padme shot him a look. "It does, Anakin. Seriously, I can smell it coming in from a mile away. You need to lay off the bantha-burgers."

"But - but - they're my COMFORT food!" Anakin squeaked, turning red. "I _need _my comfort food!"

Padme sighed and walked up to him, patting him on the arm. "You need help, Anakin."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "That's what I've been saying for years, Padme."

Anakin threw up his hands and growled: "What is this, 'Pick on Anakin Day'?"

"Chya," Ahsoka said, wiping her eyes.

"Then I can't WAIT for tomorrow!" Anakin seethed, glaring evilly at her.

"Oh, but didn't you hear?" she replied innocently. "It's a year-round event. It goes on every day."

Anakin dashed after her, but when Rex pulled a gun on him, he skidding to a stop and glared at his captain. "Hey, what gives?" he demanded.

"I won't let you hurt her," Rex hissed, fingering his gun.

Insanely annoyed with the overprotective and more than a little creepy clone Captain, Ahsoka popped out from behind Obi-Wan and yelled: "CUT IT OUT! I DON'T NEED YOUR STINKING HELP!"

The clone, abashed, put his gun down and looked at her. Anakin shot him a dark look and strode up to Obi-Wan, who was, at this point, rather annoyed at the entire group. "So, Obs Kenobs. Whaddaya say we get some chow someplace else? We all know how disgusting the cafeteria food is - I mean, c'mon - it makes me want to switch to the Dark side," he chuckled.

"The Dark Side has cookies!" Asajj piped up.

Everyone stared at her. Obi-Wan swallowed. Uh-oh. Did this mean that she was regaining her memory? "My dear," he said carefully, "how do you know that?"

Asajj opened her mouth to reply, but then frowned in confusion. "I don't know." She suddenly smiled. "Hey, maybe it means I'm getting my memory back! Isn't that great?"

"Peachy," Anakin muttered before he was elbowed again in the gut by his wife. Wheeling on her, he ground out: "Geez! I swear I'm gonna strangle you if you keep doing that to me!"

Padme just waved it off nonchalantly. "Not my fault you're an idiot."

"Hey, you MARRIED that idiot!"

Obi-Wan turned on him. "You what?!"

Padme glared up at her husband and folded her arms over her chest. "Yes, Anakin. I what?"

"You, uh... carried that idiot," Anakin fumbled nervously. "You know... when I was unconscious on that mission we were on... And that thing... with the thing... when... that stuff happened... you know..." He let out a short, uneven laugh. "Remember?"

"Remember? Oh," Padme said with a grin on her face, "you mean that time where you fainted during battle? The time where I saved your life, and, even though I was injured, I had to carry you off the battlefield?"

Everyone looked expectantly at Anakin. The Jedi Knight was red in the face, and his eyes almost looked yellow from rage. But Padme wasn't fazed, just gazed up at him innocently.

"Yeah," Anakin gritted out painfully. "That time."

Padme beamed and flounced back to Aayla's side. "Thought so."

Rex holstered his gun and shook his head. "Thought better of you than that, sir."

Anakin, by now, was purple. "Lies, lies, lies, lies," he was hissing under his breath. In an attempt to calm himself down, he cleared his throat, let out a sigh, and said, "But as I was saying... before we got so horribly off-track..." He glowered at Padme, Rex, and Ahsoka. "I was going to say that the caf food rots and we should go to Dex's."

Obi-Wan scratched his beard thoughtfully. "Not a half-bad idea, Anakin. I'm surprised."

"Impressive," Padme agreed. "Most impressive."

Obi-Wan glanced at Asajj, suddenly noticing how sleek and shiny her hair was. No, no, no Kenobi!! Stop it! He blushed and cleared his throat. "So, Asajj... what do you think?"

Asajj shrugged and smiled at him. "If you think it's a good idea," she said cheerfully, squeezing his arm lightly.

Obi-Wan's face turned beet red, and he stammered: "Ah, well... yes, I do."

"Gag-fest," Anakin coughed into his hand. Obi-Wan shot him a glare and decided to be the more mature one in the group (probably the ONLY mature one in the group) and not acknowledge Anakin with a reply. Instead, the Jedi also known by many other titles, some of which are unknown even to him, decided to lead Asajj towards the hangar bay.

* * *

Siri watched the party leave for the hangar bay, fuming. How dare that (formerly) bald little twit steal her handsome Jedi Knight? She and Obi-Wan were meant to be together. It was fated. It was destiny. They'd grown up together, gone through so much together... Although relationships were strictly forbidden, she knew that Obi-Wan would defy the rules just to be with her.

At least, she figured as much.

But now! This stupid Sith chick was getting in the way! How could anyone trust her? The hairless horror gazed up longingly at Obi-Wan with big blue eyes, and poor Kenobi could never resist big blue eyes. Unfortunately, Siri's were greyish green. She'd tried to have contacts put in, then her eye color changes, but nothing worked. So, batting eyelashes and giving Obi-Wan puppy eyes didn't work.

Blast that Ventress! What was she going to do now?!

She had to talk to a Master... get him to tell the Council it wasn't right, that Ventress was a threat. That was it!

"This is not over," she growled, storming away down the hall. "I'll be back!"

* * *

**TBC...**

* * *

_Don't mind me._

_I owe you guys... like a million updates. I'm SO sorry.  
_

_- Serena_


End file.
